tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post1432543795387052457..comments2023-10-23T09:27:43.487-07:00Comments on Little Miss Momma: A Tired Momma's Secret Revealed {on Secret Week}ashley @ little miss mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17604486090862787985noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-80304347523682893742011-02-10T21:28:04.783-08:002011-02-10T21:28:04.783-08:00i know this post is a few months old, but I just c...i know this post is a few months old, but I just couldn't help commenting. When I was a child, my parents split up. My dad moved out and my mom thought that our house was so very important to my sister and I that she bought my dad out of his half instead of selling it and buying a much more appropriately sized house. Not only did she take on a huge amount of debt by doing this, but also a ton of extra work that came with taking care of the large house, yard, dog, etc. all alone. We still saw my dad, but my mom was definitely the primary caregiver. <br /><br />Needless to say, there were times when she would get very stressed out. I was a pretty carefree (and often careless) child. And she yelled. She yelled at me a lot. And one time, it got a little worse than yelling. I was TERRIFIED of my mom as a child. Sometimes she would apologize when she really overreacted, but I don't remember getting many apologies. It really, really would have meant a lot to me if she would have explained herself at the time. A child doesn't understand the responsibility placed on a woman who is left alone with such a massive responsibility, and as a three year old, he won't fully understand even when it is explained to him, but someday he will GET IT. And if you took the time to explain to him where you are coming from, to be honest and show him the respect and trust that it takes to share such intimate and hurtful emotions, then he will respect that. My mom and I had a ton of conflicts the whole time I lived with her. As a teenager I went from fearing her, to resenting her. I rebelled a lot. I also became resentful of my sister because I was always yelled at and punished, my sister was amazingly well behaved. It caused a lot of problems because it went unresolved, and finally at the age of 20 I got it all ironed out and finally put it all to rest. It would have been a lot easier if I had understood before that.<br /><br />And Kate, good luck! I really wish you the best. Boys can be such a handful and I can't even imagine having to manage parenting duties alone, plus everything else in life. You are not alone, and you are NOT A BAD MOM. You are a human, none of us are anywhere near perfect.Erica @ Acire Adventureshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13537734219733582635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-5803473144128791562010-12-22T17:07:52.104-08:002010-12-22T17:07:52.104-08:00Kate- I think every parent has done something they...Kate- I think every parent has done something they feel huge amounts of regret over to their children. Sit him down and tell him you are sorry, even if he doesn't really understand - it will make you feel better. Then sit yourself down and really forgive yourself. It's hard to be a parent and it's even harder when you have a long period of time of having to be the mom and the dad. There is no manual, no training guide, no how-to program to tell us parents how to handle every situation.Katienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-36208418544169402242010-12-19T05:25:18.163-08:002010-12-19T05:25:18.163-08:00Thank you for saying it out loud Kate! I am up ea...Thank you for saying it out loud Kate! I am up early this morning because I am ashamed of the way I yelled at my children last night. My husband is home ALL the time because he works from home...and I still snap sometimes. I am not proud of it and I am so grateful to know that I am not alone. I came from a yelling family and I don't want that for my kids but sometimes I just lose it and it's like I am watching myself and knowing I am wrong but I go on any way. I pray it doesn't damage my kids. I pray that when they grow up they will not remember me screaming at them. I love them more than life itself but sometimes the pressures of life, a bad economy, the stress of the holidays and the demands of motherhood and being a wife are all too much to bear! Thank you for posting so I know I am not alone in feeling like a Monster Mom...I get better every year but there is always that one time that pushes my buttons and I'm back to feeling like a terrible mother. Everyone seems more patient than me, more understanding and level headed...it's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you Kate!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-83305987889376379722010-12-01T22:53:01.345-08:002010-12-01T22:53:01.345-08:00I can see we have all been there at one or another...I can see we have all been there at one or another...but I', still there. How do we get out? How do we stop yelling, and casting dirty looks, and being miserable...wanting to sleep all the time...resenting EVERYONE....asking your child what she/he was thinking....I've come to the conclusion that I am depressed....I'm in a family that would NEVR accept that as a "real" thing.<br />I'm stuck and although I have never hurt my children (and never would,,,they are my ENTIRE world) each day that passes, I want to just die. Just to finally get rest. and also because i feel they'd be better off without me.<br />Oh man.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-54802526134757150352010-11-30T23:07:07.277-08:002010-11-30T23:07:07.277-08:00Thank you for sharing! It gives us other "Mom...Thank you for sharing! It gives us other "Mommy Monsters" hope. You are SO not alone!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-27773504759593098762010-11-30T09:54:21.174-08:002010-11-30T09:54:21.174-08:00This post has brought me strength. I don't hav...This post has brought me strength. I don't have it as rough as you, Kate. My husband isn't away for long periods of time, and I don't work. But I can totally identify with you and your feelings of being a mommy monster. I lose it sometimes with my oldest. She can really dig in her heels and put up a power struggle. I get so angry, and I end up feeling so guilty that the monster came out. Parenting is hard!<br /><br />You are not alone, Kate. You are not a bad mother. You are doing the best you can. I would repeat what others have said, that prayer can be a great help. I've felt myself losing it before, and if I remember to pray, I'm much better at keeping my cool. You are strong enough. You can do this. Asking for help from the Lord or from other people does not show weakness. You're even stronger if you can admit you need help.<br /><br />Forgive yourself and keep trying!Jocelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07831999937362360791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-30655413280398287412010-11-30T09:08:36.334-08:002010-11-30T09:08:36.334-08:00INCREDIBLE.
Although I don't have any childre...INCREDIBLE.<br /><br />Although I don't have any children myself, yet, I can't IMAGINE having to be a single parent for NINE MONTHS despite being married and having a wonderful partner.<br /><br />I feel like this has been such a test on you u and you are NOT a bad person. I'm sure you are not alone either - our nerves, emotions and patience can only take SO MUCH!!!<br /><br />Bravo for sharing your story, and making others feel better about themselves.<br /><br />A.Co @ <a href="http://www.acoest1984.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">A.Co est. 1984</a>Amanda @ Life with A.Cohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06025586220505577002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-26028663803789678712010-11-30T07:47:36.742-08:002010-11-30T07:47:36.742-08:00Kate,
I'm not a mother, and have no idea about...Kate,<br />I'm not a mother, and have no idea about the responsibility you bear in taking care of your children in the absence of a spouse. However, I am familiar with the breaking point of a person when your other half is gone. My husband was deployed to Iraq for a year and I thought I couldn't handle it. Granted, it was only me and my 4 animals (2 cats/2 dogs), but everyone has their breaking point. <br /><br />Thank you for sharing your secret with us. Your courage is astounding.Briannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09310447287903494583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-27538220809114940382010-11-30T00:11:54.004-08:002010-11-30T00:11:54.004-08:00Kate,
Oh my dear! I want to tell you something fr...Kate,<br />Oh my dear! I want to tell you something from a child of a Mom who yelled a lot. My Mom was widowed at age 32 with 3 kids at home and 1 on the way. She yelled a lot. Actually, we all yelled a lot. <br /><br />And I guess I never really understood it very well, until my husband went out of town for an extended period of time...and I realized how much my mood escalated and my temper heightened. And how, were he here, I would get a break, and calm down. And since he wasn't...I wasn't getting that opportunity.<br /><br />It immediately reminded me of my Mom. Who had to do things all by herself. And who yelled. A lot. And NEVER had anyone to come home and help her calm down. <br /><br />I learned a great lesson about my Mom that day. And any feelings I had about all that yelling, were dampened. I respect her. I honor her. And I think I understand her more. <br /><br />You are a wonderful woman who is trying to do her best. We all have bad days. We WILL do things to our kids that we wish we could take back.<br /><br />But if we love them. And show them that love. One day, they'll turn around and realize how much we really DO love them.<br /><br />I know I feel that way. He will too.ellie ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09725257415672732476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-64570089238964382742010-11-29T20:32:40.953-08:002010-11-29T20:32:40.953-08:00Oh my. I want to hug you. You are not the only GOO...Oh my. I want to hug you. You are not the only GOOD parent that has lost her cool with her children. <br /><br />I remember when my husband was a away for work for an extended amount of time. By the end of that time, I was emotionally spent. I was completely isolated from extended family and I didn't feel like I had good enough friends to lean on. I had friends...but I had only known them a year or less. So...I was constantly snapping at my child and picking at him. I am sure he was sick of me. One time I remember getting so upset with him for not helping me with the dishes like he would usually....he was only 2! I verbally berated him in a way that made no sense and that I am completely ashamed of. And since then when dad is gone too much and I feel thread bare, I have more experiences that I am not proud of. Times that I wonder...did I just emotionally abuse my child? But...I pray about it and know that although it was totally awful the way I behaved, I didn't cross that line. And chances are you didn't too. It is those low points that make me never want to behave that way again and you know what...I don't. Each day, each week, each year, each child I get better. As long as I focus on what I want to be and not what I am ashamed of. Focusing on the bad makes me behave worse. But focusing on how I want to be helps me be better. It is really that simple. Now when I get to that breaking point I actually handle it better...because I have been there and I get to do it over how I wish I would have before. <br /><br />Something that always helps me feel better is asking my children for forgiveness. That way they learn by my example how to make amends and that I recognize that even I am not perfect. Then I pray and ask God to forgive me. Peace always comes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-41168295766552586332010-11-29T15:29:44.196-08:002010-11-29T15:29:44.196-08:00Although I know that my comment will be lost in th...Although I know that my comment will be lost in the sea of other comments, I have to add one!<br />My husband was deployed to Iraq in 2008. At first, it was tough keeping up with EVERYTHING by myself-including 2 kids, but I figured I would get a routine down. Nope, never happened. Things just got harder and harder, and I just got angrier and angrier. During that ear, I turned into that "monster mom" that Kate talked about and felt guilty and frustrated all at the same time. Now that my husband is home things have gotten better. He's been back for a looooooong time and I'm still not used to having help. The worst part is that he's still in the National Guard and goes away one weekend a month or training and 2 weeks a year. Those weekends and 2 weeks are SO difficult that it's hard to stand. I just try to forget the housework and make a fun weekend for the kids, and it helps me stay happy, positive and calm :)<br />Kate is not a bad mother. Kate is a mother...just like the rest of us. She's a real mom who gets pushed to her limits and explodes once in a while and that is OK. Chances are, our kids won't remember anyway, right? Well, at least that's what I keep telling myself!Aurorahttp://aurorascreations.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-26084582121576857532010-11-29T14:17:33.168-08:002010-11-29T14:17:33.168-08:00Kate,
I want to give you a cyber hug. I have be...Kate, <br />I want to give you a cyber hug. I have been there and done that with all 3 of my boys. YOUR SON WILL BE OKAY. I know this from personal experience. children will forgive their parents and turn out to be healthy happy children sometimes in spite of their parents. There is hope and it will get better.<br />HeidiHeidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17555899071318694819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-25257628710513802732010-11-29T14:12:53.513-08:002010-11-29T14:12:53.513-08:00Kate, You are not alone! We are here supporting y...Kate, You are not alone! We are here supporting you! Hugs to you. :)<br /><br />Ashley, I love your blog. Thank you for giving women & moms a forum to support each other.Molly Hammondhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17990427647399101776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-91898475269410052972010-11-29T14:09:46.112-08:002010-11-29T14:09:46.112-08:00How lucky us moms are to have such beautiful and f...How lucky us moms are to have such beautiful and forgiving children. Don't ever for a second feel guilty for FEELING. My husband is in the military and has made one six month, one nine month and is in his second month of a a nine month tour to Bahrain right now. I feel like a single mom. Some days I pray that my two young sons will sleep just five more minutes so I can not hear them fight or scream or ask for daddy. It's hard, and I've broken down more than once, and despite my behavior, my two little monkeys always want mama around. I've often wondered why, but I tell myself it's because they're hurting the same way I am... they act out when they're missing their dad. They know I can't always be supermom and I slip up and they're always there to pick me up when I fall, even when it's my job to do that for them.Mrs. Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10049418670765024739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-66320926331457710352010-11-29T13:42:30.135-08:002010-11-29T13:42:30.135-08:00Kate,
We've all been there and if someone say...Kate,<br /> We've all been there and if someone says they haven't, they are lying. Doing it on your own is sooooo hard and you should be proud of yourself. I went thru two years of severe sleep deprevation because of my youngest and it made me be someone I'm not and do things I would never had done. Thankfully I never physically hurt someone but I felt like I damaged my kids too emotionally. Thankfully kids are very forgiving! Good luck and thanks for being so honest.The Patterson'shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16021369970417783977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-47953806021649533722010-11-29T12:22:05.325-08:002010-11-29T12:22:05.325-08:00I have so been there. There are some days I almost...I have so been there. There are some days I almost hate my children. I can't control my anger towards them. I'm so sorry because I know how awful it makes you feel. Children are wonderful at forgiving. They are the best. My kids have forgiven me every time my rage strikes. And it's more than I want to ever admit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-16792998416025112302010-11-29T12:00:28.600-08:002010-11-29T12:00:28.600-08:00I'm sending some big positive vibes your way t...I'm sending some big positive vibes your way that each day is going to get easier for you. Hang in there and know we are all behind you:) XOXOAng xoxohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00676243253309838749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-4064921113923120502010-11-29T11:25:01.122-08:002010-11-29T11:25:01.122-08:00Kate-
You are only human after all. You recognized...Kate-<br />You are only human after all. You recognized the problem before it escalated to something much worse. I went through something like this with my own 3 YO son when my baby girl was born. I feel guilty everyday, but I love him more then life itself and snuggle and love him every chance I get. It gets better and better. Your son loves you and has already forgiven you. It's time to forgive your self. Hugs XOXOSteph Ulrichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01658543626024758617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-32664967781692168382010-11-29T11:18:18.840-08:002010-11-29T11:18:18.840-08:00Oh my goodness my dear Kate - please cut yourself ...Oh my goodness my dear Kate - please cut yourself a little slack :) Being a mom is HARD. And I cannot imagine my hubby being gone for 9 months. You accomplished SO MANY things all alone - please try to focus on that rather than on the negative. Unfortunately, we (especially women, I think) tend to dwell on the negative and forget the positive. Your little guy is 3 - he'll be just fine :) <br /><br />Give yourself a big hug from me (who is a random stranger, but, hey....I'd take it!).<br /><br />Blessings to you this Christmas season!Laurihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16798345373731431692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-28169517246666477102010-11-29T10:56:13.723-08:002010-11-29T10:56:13.723-08:00I went through something similar when my son was 2...I went through something similar when my son was 2ish. I was in such a deep depression that began the year earlier when I had my second child. It got so bad that at one point I pushed my child down. It was unintentional, but I did give him a little shove towards his bedroom but he ended up falling backwards. The look on his face as he was falling was enough for me to think about it every day of my life! He trusted me and looks towards me for his safety and I-his mother-pushed him down. That was enough to snap me out of my deep depression (not fully though as I still struggle with it even 8 years later). Ive never told anyone that--ever--until now. And Im so ashamed that Im bawling.We are not perfect parents--but at least you recognize what happened in your life. Some people never even do that, thus their behaviors continue. Youre a good mom Kate!Lee Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10656466755598679991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-49164333985977313872010-11-29T10:47:21.079-08:002010-11-29T10:47:21.079-08:00Wow sorry that was so long Kate. Lots of love you...Wow sorry that was so long Kate. Lots of love your way.<br />And thank you LMM I stalk lots of craft blogs but this is the first on to be brave enough to deal with REAL things. I'm going to go grab my button now.Sparks Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03664243479203179891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-69753733391294574492010-11-29T10:46:02.569-08:002010-11-29T10:46:02.569-08:00Oh kate... How I can relate. I know a lot of the ...Oh kate... How I can relate. I know a lot of the comments here are all about "good job being on your own is hard" but what does it say when I'm like that and I have help. I saw myself in your words "At the same time I was losing control of myself.<br />I became soooo quick to anger.<br />Not just anger, real rage.". Sometimes it was like someone else took over. I would loose control and then after I would look back and say "who was that?" And looking at things as though they are impossible to do. Simple things like laundry and dishes.<br />the overwhelming feeling of drowning. For me its called depression. Mine actually stemmed from undiagnosed ADD. This Comment is not to tell you you have ADD or to tell you you need to be medicated. But When I read your secret it was clear as day! The love of your life was away, you had an adjusting boundary pushing 3 year old and were lonely. Depression is a real and ugly thing. My heart breaks for you. Just remember children are incredible resilient. My kids (3 under 6) still love me. And you'd be surprised at how far a heart felt apology and "I'm trying to be better" chat can go. even with a 3 year old. Dont beat yourself up over the way you felt toward him although speaking from experience you probably will for a while.<br />things will only get better and I'm a true believer in therapy. you dont have to have a diagnosed problem, just need someone to unload on. Husbands just want to fix things. Girlfriends no matter how great still might judge but Therapist are just there to listen.Sparks Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03664243479203179891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-23154331307866082062010-11-29T10:29:21.145-08:002010-11-29T10:29:21.145-08:00OMG! If Kate were me (and we share names), I'd...OMG! If Kate were me (and we share names), I'd be sharing the same secret! KUDOS Kate!Tyler-Ashlee's Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14155638746817163966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-69353244623273280812010-11-29T10:26:04.697-08:002010-11-29T10:26:04.697-08:00Forgive yourself. That is the hardest part becaus...Forgive yourself. That is the hardest part because as long as the behavior toward your son doesn't continue, he has forgiven and forgotten. Kids are resilient, as long as they feel loved and secure. Give yourself a break and commit to move past this and be a loving mother. This feeling of guilt will pass and you and your son will be fine. He is NOT scarred for life.stickysentimentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00211553701445064641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3727368894424244969.post-33051238803538726092010-11-29T10:22:11.004-08:002010-11-29T10:22:11.004-08:00oh Kate, I think we have all been there and anyone...oh Kate, I think we have all been there and anyone saying that haven't are either lying or in denial. My secret? (which i wasn't willing to tell until I heard yours) is that sometimes I wish I never had kids. I imagine a life that others have with the freedom to do what they want, when they want and not have to take of others every second of the day. I have 5 kids between the ages of 11 and 2 and I know I should be happy that I get to stay home (I used to work full time) but boy that last 2 year old completely wipes me out.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04232374802974281569noreply@blogger.com