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Dear Anonymous...

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Little Miss Momma: Dear Anonymous...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dear Anonymous...

I never would have imagined that my little post about a poopy diaper could have caused so much commotion...

Or stirred up so much emotion within me...

{read this post and the comments section to get up to speed}

Ohhhh, the infamous Anonymous comments--the ones that make your stomach feel like you just went down the biggest drop of a roller coaster (but not in a good way). I know I am not the only one who has received such a comment.

Anonymous comments and I have a funny relationship. They never fail to hurt my feelings; and yet, I still haven't switched my blogger settings to block them...

Perhaps I'm still pining for the day that an anonymous comment will read something like, "hey LMM, you are super sweet and super rad and a super duper momma and I am too shy to say it to your face so I am posting anonymously".

But that's not how anonymous comments go, is it...
Nope, it goes a bit more like this...

It all began shortly after I started my blog in March. I remember it like it was yesterday...it was the day I received my very first ill-spirited anonymous comment.

I was away from the computer at the time, so I received a text of the comment on my phone and I was unable to give the immediate defensive response I was feeling {looking back, it was a blessing that I was so far away from a computer and unable to lash out irrationally}.

After taking the day to think about it, I ultimately decided NOT to respond to the comment, and I went so far as to delete it. A few days later I still felt good about my decision to bite my tongue, but I'll tell you what--I didn't feel as good about my decision to delete the comment.

I can't expect everyone to agree with me and my blog content--or even like me, for that matter. Creating this blog was not so that I could win a popularity contest--it was a way to connect--to find other Mommas-in-training {or Momma veterans, or future Mommas for that matter} who could relate to my experiences, to my stories, to my so-called life lessons.

And on the day that I deleted my first Anonymous comment, I was deleting her point of view from this open forum of Momma experiences.

Since then I have received a handful of other less-than-nice comments without a name attached to them. With each comment, I can feel the frustration mount inside of me. I'm not sure if it's the comment itself that upsets me so much, or if I'm more upset that I allow these comments to get under my skin in the first place.

I wish I was strong enough to brush off such comments.
To not let them ruin my day.
To be the bigger person.
But I'm NOT.
Which is why today's anonymous comment pushed me over the edge.

When I opened my computer this morning and read my latest comment, I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. All the air left my stomach and my eyes filled with tears.

You see, today's comment was different from past comments. Past comments have attacked my tutorials, my giveaways and my crafting skills--but, I felt today's comment attacked my choices {or lack thereof} as a Momma.

I spent the morning re-living a heartache I was forced to endure nearly a year ago when I made the choice to stop nursing Baby W. And I did what I always do when I become overwhelmed with emotion--I wrote...and wrote...and wrote.

As I typed I vented, I apologized, I agonized, I antagonized...then I put my venting session into a new post in blogger. And just before I clicked POST, my conscious {aka the Spirit} told me otherwise..."save as a draft" and then take a few hours to think it over, the voice in my head said.

In those few hours that I held off on posting I was overwhelmed with the number of you who came to my defense, with the number of you who had shared my experience, with the number of you who were filled with emotion as I was.

But even more overwhelming...more overwhelming than I can put into words...

Ms. Anonymous came forward!

Despite the harsh criticism she knew she would receive, Ms. Anonymous told us her name--and then she shared the true intent of her comment--and her true reason for posting anonymously.

And I was touched.

Where my heart had been bruised earlier in the day, my heart now swelled at the courage of Ms. Anonymous to throw herself under the bus in the name of "un-hurting" my feelings.

While different life experiences will probably never allow Ms. Anonymous and I to see eye to eye on the issue of "breast feeding", that's okay--because honesty and courage have allowed us to move forward.

Dear Anonymous Alyx {love the way you spell your name, btw},

I want to thank you for coming forward, for opening up, for standing up for yourself and for ultimately standing up for me. I respect you for your bravery and dignity.

I want you to know that the letter below is not designed to hurt your feelings or be an attack on you. Rather, your comment forced me to reflect on some personal matters that I am ready to share with everyone, as well as give me the courage to address the issue of comment etiquette--and for this I thank you.

You see, it's an unfortunate reality that nearly EVERY other anonymous commenter does NOT have your courage in coming forward.

So the below letter is written to the real Anonymous commenter's out there, on behalf of all of us bloggers who wear our hearts on our sleeve, while they carelessly take no regard for our feelings when they check the Anonymous box.

This letter is for them--not you.

....................................................................................................

Dear Anonymous,

You know who you are.

The one hiding behind the comment you posted for the world to see--the comment that has hurt the feelings of the author of the blog you chose to read.

To be honest, I probably wouldn't have given the comment a second thought had you not have posted it anonymously--indicating to me that you did not have the courage to stand behind your potentially hurtful words.

And because I am human {and more sensitive than I like to let on}, I will let you know that your words did hurt--as would any comment suggesting I am not being the best momma my baby deserves.

When I read your comment about my apparent lack of regard for the well being of my child by not nursing him, my first reaction was to delete it.

I have purposefully worked hard to ensure that this blog is a safe and welcome retreat from the craziness of everyday life for both myself, and my readers--and your comment did not reflect such an environment.

And then, just before I clicked delete, I thought about the most important reason I joined the blogging world. I created this blog in hopes of finding other Mommas out there who have shared my milestones and meltdowns in motherhood.

And the reality is Ms. Anonymous, your comment hit the nail on the head with one of my most difficult mothering meltdowns--so your words will remain because my readers deserve to see your thoughts.

In response to your "concern": I did nurse Baby W--for FOUR months, before complications I am not yet ready to share with the blogging world stood in the way of me nursing him any longer. And you want to know what--it was one of the most difficult days of my life.

I cried for days.

I felt like a failure.

And let me tell you, it's one thing to feel like you have failed yourself--but it's another thing entirely to feel like you failed you child. It wasn't until I received the reassuring advice from some very dear friends, that I realized my guilt was stemming from the voiced opinions of those such as yourself.

My baby is healthy. My baby is happy. My baby and hubby are the most important things in my world. And my baby will always know that I did the absolute BEST I could for him--whether that meant breast milk or formula.

So thank you for your concern. And next time, I encourage you to stand behind your words with a name...

Yours Truly,

ashley
Little Miss Momma

Labels:

67 Comments:

At August 18, 2010 at 3:53 PM , Blogger ashlynch23 said...

Please don't let comments drag you down. We....as mothers...do the BEST that we can to provide for our children. Baby W is well fed and looks like one of the happiest...sweetest little boys!! Be proud that you have done and will continue to do... a fabulous job being his Mommy!! I don't care how you feed him!! :)

 
At August 18, 2010 at 3:59 PM , Anonymous lisa said...

well said Ashley!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:01 PM , Blogger daniiiā™„ said...

Well said! And good for you! Who are those anonymous commenters to judge you anyway?

I know how hard breastfeeding is. I fought hard to BF my daughter for 3 months. I had to supplement, too. It KILLED me. <3

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:04 PM , Blogger Heather said...

I had problems nursing and was heartbroken until someone very wise told me that my job as Mother in the most basic sense was to feed my child. She told me was my baby healthy, happy and asleep with a full belly. I replied "Yes." She told me " Then you did your job and tell everyone who has a comment to mind their own business!" It was some of the best advice I have ever received. Keep posting fearlessly!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:05 PM , Blogger Ovard Clan said...

I have been following you for quite some time. Love your ideas, your thoughts and your attitude towards life. I know some time or another we have all felt the way you have felt today. I can admit that I have countless times.
I am a photographer and have owned my business for 2 years. I am a mom to 3 kidlets, a wife and on and on and on. Thank you for posting your feelings.
I have one more thought for you. It is a constant that is always in the back of my mind and heart.

"Don't let the voice of critics paralyze you".

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:15 PM , Blogger superh2ogirl said...

Well said. I'm glad you decided to post it. Have a great day

-Nicole
www.craftmysoul.blogspot.com

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:16 PM , Blogger Echo at Barely Mommy said...

Ashley, you handled this with much more poise and grace than I would have. I can't honestly say I would have even been remotely nice. THAT makes you a great mother. Think of what THAT alone will do for your son. For him to see that no matter how mean people are to him, he doesn't have to be as hurtful and nasty as they are.

Baby W is OBVIOUSLY a very happy, very healthy baby. To be honest (I haven't even shared this on my own blog yet, because its such a personal failure of mine) I had my own problems with breastfeeding. Me and little dude weren't ... "compatible". I have never felt like such a horrible mother in all my life. With everyone around me telling me "you HAVE to breastfeed or your baby will be sick all the time", it was hard to look at the fact that he was by no means starving. That he'd never been sick. It's hard when people only remember NOW, and not that they once were a new mom. For the longest time, every time little dude sneezed, I thought "OMG he's going to get sick. If I had breastfed longer, he would be fine!" I cried, and made myself sick over it until I realized (just a few weeks ago, actually) that my baby is MY baby. I decide how to raise him and what's best for him. People put me down for allowing him to sleep with us. It's my baby.

My point is, you're doing a great job. You're such a super momma! Don't let people who are so small that they don't have a name, decide how you should feel as a mother. Don't let people put you down the decisions you made, for whatever reason. Baby W is YOUR baby. YOU decide what is best for him. Your reasons don't matter. Just that you care enough to make decisions that are hard for you in the interest of your baby.

The fact that your baby is happy, healthy, and oh-so-cuddly-looking should be proof enough that you're an amazing mom. But we all need to be told every now and then.

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:21 PM , Blogger clschaan said...

Personally I think it's ridiculous how women banter on about breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, blah blah blah .. it's 2010 .. don't we have more intereting things to talk about?

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:32 PM , Blogger Mommy Elizabeth said...

You are awesome... I wish I could give you a hug right now...

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:41 PM , Blogger Erin Wallace said...

I don't even publish anaonymous comments. If they won't leave their name, they aren't getting published. And regarding breastfeeding, I'm a pediatrician, and people out there just have to understand that while breast feeding may be best, there are a lot of reasons why women don't and can't do it. It's amazing to me how crazy people can get over the issue - love your baby, feed them formula or breastmilk, and 20 years from now no one will know the difference!

xo Erin

 
At August 18, 2010 at 4:45 PM , Blogger emerson-j said...

ive known people who have refused to breastfeed because they think it will ruin how their boobs will look..and at the end of the day its their choice. for u to go 4 months is fantastic so dont be hard on yourself, i had to stop at around 4months myself for medical reasons so i can relate. great blog and just GORGEOUS son!!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 5:03 PM , Blogger lizzie said...

oh boo whatever!
i'm a mother of three... i breastfed all three babies but only for six weeks... why you ask? b/c i take medicines that are NOT good for breasfeding... so poop on your anonymous! sometimes us moms have to do what is right for US in order to be the best moms we can be!
p.s youre an awesome mommie!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 5:10 PM , Blogger luv4jack said...

This post took a lot of courage. Kudos to you Ash! You are an amazing woman...and momma! I am faced with guilt as I read the breastfeeding debate, even though I know in my heart I made the right choice to formula feed Jack. I was and still am on medication that is passed through breastmilk. After my pregnancy my dosage was increased. I knew breastfeed my baby wasn't a choice I had. I still grieve that I wasn't able to share that with my son. People need to remember that while you may write a comment with one voice, they may be read in another tone...and taken the wrong way. Reread comments and posts so that a respectful voice is heard, no matter what is being shared to avoid unintentionally hurting someone else.

 
At August 18, 2010 at 5:11 PM , Blogger emilyc @ Sew Super Sweet said...

My mantra in tough times is "break downs lead to break throughs"...to me, what could have been a break down for you in letting anonymous comments bring you down, you instead faced it head on and instead had a break through in standing up for yourself against mean spirited anonymous people who believe everyone is entitled to their personal opinion up until it is time to stand behind it. Good for you!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 5:26 PM , Blogger Nikki said...

I totally understand your feeling of faliure. My son is going on 7 yrs old and I still remember the day I switched him to formula. I cried and i cried even more in the following days as I dried up. (totally different crying I may add. It was painful and miserable)You at least had the opportunity to nurse as long as you did. I had 4 whole days. I was literally starving my son. He would get just a smidge and would be asleep. I would be gorged to the max but nothing would come out. My mother finally went in to the kitchen and made a bottle 4oz I may add, and my son sucked it down and was still suckeling at the bottle wanting more!! HE WAS ONLY $ DAYS OLD!! I was mortified!! What was wrong with me?
Honestly as parents we do what we can we know what is effective we know what our own bodies can tolerate. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding as long as possible. Yet some parents can't, look at those who adopt. Things happen and life happens. Do not feel bad about your parenting ways. YOU have to do what YOU have to do and YOU don't report to anyone. YOUR child is YOURS to care for. NO ONE ELSE's!!

Much Love & NOT Anonymous
Nikki

 
At August 18, 2010 at 5:49 PM , Blogger Nina @ Momma Go Round said...

Fabulous babe. Well said. We missed you today and love you so much. Sorry you had such a terrible crummy day, but your friends love you (and W) and missed you!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 5:55 PM , Blogger Heather L. said...

(((HUGS))) Ashley. I can't STAND judgemental people. UGH! I read the comments, and I think the former anonymous commenter is doing some serious backtracking. What she said was rude and uncalled for. Don't let people like that get you down. I honestly feel that so many people are just unhappy in their own lives, so they have to spread their misery around on others.

I am still breastfeeding my little Carter (he is almost 18 months old) but I only breastfed my girls for a couple of months each. They all got sick about the same amount of times. I don't think ANY of us has this mommy thing all worked out so who are we to judge? I'm hangin' by a thread most days, and I consider myself a "veteran" mommy since I have three kids of my own and two stepsons. As long as I try my best each day, I'm happy.

I hope your sweet boy feels better soon!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 6:03 PM , Anonymous JenMarie in Tennessee said...

Ya know, with some Momma's breastfeeding is just so natural, easy, enjoyable, and overall effortless. For some Momma's it's just the opposite. It's hard, it hurts, and it's frustrating. Then I guess there are some Momma's like me who b.f. for a year and had a little of all that. Some days it was like all was well in the world when my little boy was nursing and staring up at me with those big blue eyes...other days I would cry out of pure exhaustion and frustration. EVERY MOMMA IS DIFFERENT! Let's not judge for what others choose for their own family. I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 6:21 PM , Blogger Caitlin said...

LMM,
I have been a long time follower but have rarely (if ever) commented, but I want you to know I think you are a VERY CLASSY woman and you have handled the situation with a lot of dignity. I am glad the situation has ended up with a happier ending than most like this. I am a proud reader of your blog and I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mother to baby W!

-Caitlin @ cohensmama.blogspot.com

 
At August 18, 2010 at 7:19 PM , Blogger JP said...

Hey Ash, I wish I could remember where I read the article about how breastfeeding is possibly NOT that much better than formula because of all the toxins in our foods, bodies, etc. nowadays. It was an interesting debate. You ADORE baby W and you shouldn't feel like a failure in any way. I wish the whole breastfeeding thing wasn't such a touchy issue, but it is. Rest assured, we, the average mom, think you are amazing and would never look down on you because of that. Kids GET SICK no matter if they were breastfed or not! Aiden was sick on and off for four months this year and I breastfed him for 11 months...and then ran out of milk. I don't feel one bit sad for not making it to 12. We do the best we can as moms, and that "BEST" is different for everyone, just as we are all uniquely different beings. Do you think we'll be judged in the next life for whether or not we breastfed or for how long? Not a chance.

 
At August 18, 2010 at 7:40 PM , Blogger Diana said...

Ashley, amazing post! I feel it too girl! I nursed for 2 months before I was FORCED to call it quits... not everyone can nurse unfortunately. But it doesn't stop us from being the mom's we want to be. My little man is healthy.. that's all I care for.

 
At August 18, 2010 at 7:51 PM , Blogger Jessica Radick said...

Beautifully said, and may I say brought a tear to my eye... handled like a true lady and how brave of you to put your heart out there for everyone to read, that takes courage in itself... This in my new favorite blog just because of this post alone... shows that you are not only an awesome mommy, but an awesome person as well. Good luck with the blog in the future!

http://jeansandatshirtmom.blogspot.com/

 
At August 18, 2010 at 8:07 PM , Blogger JameeLoo said...

this is the first time i have ever posted a comment on a post before and i just want to say how touched i am by reading this. you are an amazing woman and mother. you inspire me!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 8:26 PM , Blogger Joanna said...

I am very sorry the comment made you feel so bad, and I hope everyone doesn't hate me for saying this, but to me the comment wasn't mean spirited. I truly saw her intention of saying hey maybe give breastfeeding a try. I actually felt bad for how badly people were treating her. A lot of information out there about breastfeeding is wrong. It isn't easy for everyone and sometimes we need help. I think that as you mentioned you have some guilty feelings inside about having to quit breastfeeding and this comment hit you right in the heart. I know how hard breastfeeding can be, my daughter had her nursing strike at 3 months and I exclusively pumped until she was 1. I also know that we as mothers can only strive to be the best mom we can be and we shouldn't feel bad about things out of our control because no one is perfect.

 
At August 18, 2010 at 8:26 PM , Blogger MOMMA ME said...

I just got your message and realized I have not read your post yet. I am very proud of you & I still think you did the right thing. You said it well for all of us. My anonymous reader was intentionally trying to hurt me and now I wish I didnt delete it because I realized, while reading your post, that it is true... everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Wes looks like he's one of the happiest boys in the world and is soo in love with his rad, awesome Mommy.

 
At August 18, 2010 at 8:50 PM , Blogger Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

You handled this so well. I hope he feels better very soon!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 9:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, I just wanted to anonymously say that you are absolutely adorable, and I just love you/your blog. You are such a classy and sweet little momma! I hope I'll be a great mom like you someday. Thank you for following the promptings of the spirit and writing such a heartfelt (and tactful!) post.

:)

 
At August 18, 2010 at 9:45 PM , Blogger Kristyn said...

Well said. I think the anonymous comment is ridiculous. Fact is every mother has things that she is beating herself up about that she did or didn't do right for her kid. So if they think that they are giving you some revelation by pointing out your mistakes they are far too late. You have already gotten their yourself. None of us do this mothering thing exactly right so what is the point of shooting each other down in the process. Ridiculous! (can you tell that I am pregnant and hormonal?)BTW I think you are super sweet and super rad and a super duper momma and I'm not to shy to say it to your face;)

 
At August 18, 2010 at 10:00 PM , Blogger Lexi's Mommy said...

I nurse Lexi (shes almost 7 months) and she has pooped on more than 1 person...the last time was only a few weeks ago on her aunt lol! Poop happens. I just laugh about it and when I tell my sister or other people who don't have poop horror stories they think its gross, but if they have been through the same thing or worse, it doesn't phase them. Plus it's nice to share and have someone tell you a story that's even worse than yours and think ..ehhh I guess I didn't have it that bad lol.

We all have our poopy days ;)

Anyway I love your blog!!

 
At August 18, 2010 at 10:41 PM , Blogger Lauren said...

you are SO so adorable i cant even tell you, and i love your blog to death. [i first read your personal blog, i found from chelsea fenn :) and i admit i kept reading because i thought you were pretty] any way. breastfeeding can be tough! i just had another one and i think about switching every second of the day. I'm so glad you do share your stories and blog, even if someone does hurt your feelings from time to time.

 
At August 19, 2010 at 4:05 AM , Blogger Melissa said...

Instead of agonizing over the fact that you had to stop breast feeding your baby, just be thankful you were able to breast feed at all. Doctors say the first 3 months are what matters, ideally they like to see you breast feed for 6 months if possible, after that all benefit is to the mother. I was not able to breast feed at all!! My daughter has been on a bottle since the second day of her life, she is just fine, and healthy. I really, really hate it when other moms try to make you feel guilty for making a choice, or in my case in having no choice at all, that is YOURS to make, and NO ONE else's business!! Even if you chose not to breast feed, that is your choice, and no one else's! When will we moms learn just how much hurt we can cause by spouting off our "opinions" without thought, oh that's right, we think we are "helping" guide a misguided mom. Guess again. I am glad you have been able to get past the hurt and feelings of inadequisy involved in your decision, but they should not have occured had moms been supportive and reminded you to be thankful you had the opportunity to breast feed at all. When we are thankful instead of feeling like we are a failure, it really helps! Your baby will be just fine and healthy!!

 
At August 19, 2010 at 7:58 AM , Blogger HunDuddle Hussy said...

reading this post, i just relived like the first 3-5 months after the birth of ALL my children. no fun. and same here...i tried. and tried. and tried. and tried. just to HEAR someone talking about breastfeeding would make me mad at them so to have someone comment directly at my choices (when they obviously didn't struggle with the same problems i had) would MAKE. ME. FURIOUS.

u do what you need to do. my children are all PERFECT :) regardless of what i fed them. i'm not saying i don't wish i COULD have breastfed, but i'm ok that i didn't.

 
At August 19, 2010 at 8:11 AM , Blogger brandy said...

Ashley...you are so great! The way you handled this whole situation was nothing less than classy. You are an amazing mother and friend. I'm so sorry that a single comment stirred up so emotion for you, but kuddos to you for dealing with it beautifully. xoxo!!

 
At August 19, 2010 at 8:12 AM , Blogger t & e said...

i'm glad to see you get all this support. i'm grateful that anonymous came forward and expressed her true meaning and didn't mean to hurt you. the lesson that should be learned here is you can't judge someone because you don't know the whole story. love you ash!

baby w gets his cutie chicken legs from his daddy, not from not being breastfeed, hehe!

 
At August 19, 2010 at 9:01 AM , Blogger Brian and Kendra said...

I reading your blog! I was only able to nurse my little baby for 6 weeks before I had to stop due to reasons beyond my control. (like you, the story is a little to personal to share)I was also very sad about it but had so many people tell me that I wasn't a faliure, and neither arene you!!!

 
At August 19, 2010 at 9:38 AM , Blogger sara said...

I really tried to stay out of this yesterday and just comment on poor Baby W not feeling well. But I wanted to say today, that you handled this whole situation with class. I am an adoptive mom and had to go with formula. Any one who has seen my Pie knows she is a happy, healthy, chunk-a-munk who not only is fine from never having anyhtign but formula, but was helped by it since she was malnourished and drug-exposed during the pregnancy.

 
At August 19, 2010 at 10:50 AM , Blogger Celia Soudry said...

First off, kudos for having such a strong blog following! Wish I had as many comments on my food blogs (seriously!). My best friend has a one-year-old and she stopped breast feeding after only 6-weeks because she was in so much pain and discomfort, etc. She has discussed with me at length her feelings of guilt and failure, and the harsh judgment she received from friends. But, from what I've witnessed (as a person without a child) is that you need to do what is right for you. An unhappy momma= an unhappy baby. And NOBODY has the right to judge. Keep on truckin. Looks like your kickin ass out there!

 
At August 19, 2010 at 2:16 PM , Anonymous lisa said...

"Never be bullied into silence"

 
At August 19, 2010 at 3:02 PM , Blogger Erika M. said...

Outstanding reply - the funny thing is when I read blogs, I try to remember that this is his/her blog and they are entitled to express their feelings. If it offends me, I choose not to read the post and life goes on for me.

 
At August 19, 2010 at 7:33 PM , Blogger Mandi said...

Oh Ashley! I feel your pain completely with the breastfeeding issue. My youngest boy was six weeks and sick in the hospital, he had menengitis and at that point I was trying my hardest to keep up with the breastfeeding. When I looked at my little guy too weak to try to get milk from me I decided to switch to formula. Which broke my heart and too feel like a failure to my baby. This made his nurse very irritated giving me the 'You need to breastfeed this baby' speach. I turned to her very sharply and said "I would rather my baby eat and get well than to have him struggle and if you have a problem with that then find me a new nurse" I have read your blog for a while now and I think you are an incredible mom. Don't let your choice get you down, sometimes things are just out of your hands and you have to do what is best for your child. AND THAT IS BEING A GOOD MOTHER!!!!

 
At August 19, 2010 at 8:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear LMM, I want to say that I do not blog because I am not as cool and way rad like you, but I have received an anonymous attack before against my business. It hurts, I've felt your pain, and I want to say that I am proud of how you were able to hear the spirit and listen. Thats the test, it's easy to get caught up in the emotion and hail vengance against whom evere, but then you wouldnt have passed the test of listening for that still small voice. I want to say I am proud of you, for listening, for sharing and for having experianced something I thought I was the ONLY one who had experianced. I think you did the right thing.
Becky

 
At August 23, 2010 at 3:00 PM , Blogger Amber said...

I have been following your blog for about a month now and love you and the way you write, it's real!!! I am a formula feeding momma and am sick of breastfeeding moms picking and attacking us! YOU AND ONLY YOU know what is best for you and your family and don't let anyone else change your mind! Keep writing and keep posting cute pics of your little boy!

 
At August 23, 2010 at 6:02 PM , Anonymous Michelle Kroll Design said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now and think you are such an amazing (and funny) mommy! I don't have kids yet but when that time comes I hope I can be as great as you are! Don't listen to any negative comments because they usually come from people that are not happy in their own lives and take it out on others!

Michelle

 
At August 24, 2010 at 8:03 PM , Blogger ~Mallory~ said...

Aside from all the issues of poopy diapers and breastfeeding, I just wanted to tell you Thank You for being you. Thank you for taking so much time on your blog and putting yourself out there. Thank you for being REAL. Thank you for making me laugh. I have a 8 month old baby girl, Paisley, and I look forward to reading your blog. I mean, really look forward after a long day of working and being a mommy to sit down and read your blog. I follow so many blogs but overall I enjoy yours the most. God has truly given you a gift to share your life with others, you never know what may really touch someone~ even when talking about poopy diapers :) You are GREAT and don't let anyone make you feel bad about anything you write~ This is YOUR Blog and its a place for you to write what you want.

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Thank you for having a joyful heart and don't you let anyone crush your spirit. :)

Mallory ~ www.ourlifesweetlife.blogspot.com

 
At August 25, 2010 at 5:30 AM , Blogger Life in Rehab said...

Mothering is from the heart, not from a set of rules. I breast fed Sammy for a year (he could unbutton my shirt by the end), Thommy for two weeks before we got thrush, and Savannah for six weeks. They're all healthy and all freakishly close to me considering they're teenagers. You do what you think is best for W. Anyone who doesn't agree with your parenting methods can get their own baby to experiment on.

 
At September 17, 2010 at 10:44 AM , Blogger laceylady said...

Just found your blog and this whole breastfeeding discussion really struck emotion in me. Through no fault of my own my son was born 7wks premature and I developed a condition called HELP syndrome after the emergency c-section. I tried and tried for weeks to breast feed him, but couldnt. I also cried for days feeling like a failure, but came out of it w/ the help of friends and family. He's a healthy 2yr old now that rarely gets sick and I dont feel like either of us missed out on anything having not breast fed him.
Hang in there, I love your blog and feel a little more connected now.
-Misty
-Lacey, WA

 
At September 17, 2010 at 1:45 PM , Blogger Michele said...

Great blog! You definitely have some awesome mom props! It's a tough job, but you're a natural. Don't let anyone tell you different. ;)

 
At September 17, 2010 at 2:34 PM , Blogger Robyn said...

I just found your blog through U-create and found these posts. I too had medical complications that made it impossible to breastfeed my daughter. I hadn't even thought that I wouldn't be able to nurse and when I wasn't able to I was heartbroken and felt like I terrible mom. Now my daughter is 20 months old and healthy and strong. We're expecting baby number 2 and many of the old emotions are coming back knowing that I might not be able to nurse. But this time I know it's ok and I know that the health of my baby is the most important. Thanks for sharing your story. It's comforting to know that other moms have gone through some of the same things I did. I feel like I want to send you an e-hug! :)

 
At September 17, 2010 at 7:02 PM , Blogger FullertonRegan said...

I do not get the whole hullabaloo about breastfeeding. I went back to work when my daughter was a month old with nary a regret or tear. I tried pumping, but decided to stop pumping at work (in turn, stop breastfeeding) when she was two months because I was walked in on, mid-pump. THREE times. And the last time was by the poor, startled IT guy. Could I have continued? Sure. But I didn't and what's the big deal? My daughter is 7 now, almost 8. She's a giant for her age, she's smart, she's beautiful, she's healthy. My breastmilk wouldn't have made a lick of difference. For all I know, i made a super-baby because of the formula!

You go on with your bad self honey. Being a mom is so redonkulous anymore with all the competition. Until they want to whip it out & breastfeed (or clean, or cook, or enter any one of the other myriad of responsibilities that go into raising a child here) FOR you they can keep their ideas to themselves.

xoxo
Regan

 
At September 21, 2010 at 9:54 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

Everyone's the expert or critic! lol Just wait until they are on the receiving end! Love your blog! And don't let 'em get ya down!!!! :D

 
At November 18, 2010 at 11:37 AM , Anonymous Heather M said...

Ashley,
When I had my second son Major who is now 9. He would not nurse, I did not nurse my first son Garrett who is 16 now. I was completely devastated! The lactation consultant was in my room for 3 days trying to get Major to nurse. To make a long story short Major never did latch on to me, so I pumped for 3 months! Today is the first day I have been on your blog and it definitely will not be the last! Good job on addressing the anonymous blogger hopefully she will think a little more before she posts next time.

God Bless,
Heather Mackey
Ohio

 
At November 21, 2010 at 10:58 PM , Blogger Pedey @ Do You Smell That!!? said...

Hey LMM, you are super sweet and super rad and a super duper momma and I am too shy to say it to your face so I am posting anonymously.

*wink* Keep it up!

 
At November 22, 2010 at 6:37 PM , Blogger Nathalie said...

Ashley, I just recently found your blog and I have loved it! I've been rummaging through your posts and I found this one. Oh girl....I relate to your feelings of failure. If it makes you feel any better...I only made it through a couple of weeks nursing my first, and my second--only a few weeks more than that. It was also a very difficult time and I also struggled GREATLY with deciding to stop. [I also had complications I won't go into] Thank you for being so real and vulnerable. My heart resonates with yours. Blessings!

 
At December 19, 2010 at 4:49 PM , Blogger Sarah said...

Hi! I am new to your blog, so I just read this post and wanted to tell you that like many other moms, I can empathize with your difficult decision! It's amazing how much pressure we as a society put on our fellow human beings. As a mommy who loves my four children more than life, to feel like I didn't provide all I could when I made the decision to stop nursing was agonizing for me. Like you, I cried for days. As a maternal/child nurse, my professional experience has taught me that breastfeeding is a wonderful gift to your child for no matter how long you are able to give it. It is just that. A gift. Not a necessity. Babies don't care how they are fed. Just that they are fed and loved and well cared for. My child who was breastfed for 2 days is just as intelligent and well adjusted as my child who nursed for over a year. And my one twin who nursed for 2 months is just has healthy as her brother who nursed for 7 months.

Just one more thought. Keep in mind that you are dealing with a lot of hormonal women who think they know best and have life figured out. In my life, there is only One who has everything figured out.

Many blessings to you and your family this Christmas! I look forward to spending some more time on your blog!

 
At December 20, 2010 at 8:50 AM , Blogger Amy said...

HA! Where is Miss Anonymous now? I am new to your blog and I can tell I will love following it. What I have read so far you are an amazing wife, mom, friend, and example. It's easier said than done to brush off the harsh nasty comments. I recieved one as well, on Mothers Day and it still makes my heart stop. You keep plugging along, doing your best, because after all it's your life and your in charge of it!! I love your style and am totally jealous of your hair, side note!!

 
At January 14, 2011 at 12:55 AM , Blogger Tahnie said...

Oh sweet Ashley, I know this post is old but I'm going through your blog and had to respond to it. I wanted to breast feed Sookie more than anything. I even went against all of my doctors wishes to try for a few months. They all wanted me back on the only medication I have for slowing down my disease, but there is nothing known about what it would do to Miss S, and I couldn't take it during pregnancy because, once again, no idea what effect it would have on her. So I made the decision to continue to stay off of it so I could give her the BEST start possible.

After all this, after 18 pills of herbs a day for weeks, pumping with a painful industrial sized pump, my body wasn't producing milk. I was devastated. I still am actually. I put my life on the line throughout my pregnancy, then I put my health on hold to breast feed...and it STILL wasn't enough for her. I felt like a failure. I know our situations are so different but I completely empathize with you girl. It is a heartbreaking thing to deal with.

 
At January 15, 2011 at 11:18 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm addicted to your blog now! I love the way you write. I hope you get stronger but I undestand that those comments affect you, is normal! but remember all the people that admire you and cares about you :)
Excuse my english please, I'm latinoamerican :)

 
At February 11, 2011 at 12:15 AM , Blogger xx B said...

This is one of the reasons i've stayed in the shadows of blogland because i have seen comments such as these and wasn't willing to put myself out there. I have never and probably will never understand what it is that makes people feel they have the "right to comment"? by that i mean the "negatives", you are putting yourself out there and inviting people to come into your space, therefor if you have nothing nice to say "simply leave" my space and go elsewhere! By the same token i am a strong believer that "Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"! This can be applied to everything from diapers to daydreams!

 
At February 12, 2011 at 5:55 PM , Blogger Mindie Hilton said...

I have two boys, 8 and almost 2. I struggled with nursing both. My oldest was a month early and he never seemed to like nursing. I had specialist come in to my home to help. One of which told me if I had had a natural birth with out any pain medication he would have nursed better. I see no fact in this, nor her place to put blame. I did continue nursing until he refused to nurse at 4 months. Just would not take the breast anymore. My youngest nursed better and was full term. I however had horrible infections and cysts in both breast that kept me in contsant pain and always returned even after antibiotics. My own docter finally suggested I stop nursing, this was at 9 mos. I am telling you all this because I know how much I felt like a failure too when I stopped. Like I was not being the best mommy I could be. You certainly are not alone. No one should tell anyone when to stop or start nursing. It is a decision that can only be made by you. Something my husbnd had to remind me often, since I would always ask his advice. My children know I love them more then my own life. I am sure your little boy feels just as loved.

 
At March 6, 2011 at 9:42 AM , Blogger ~Sharleanna~ said...

I just stumbled on your blog and wow! This is amazing!! My milk wouldn't really come in so my little one lost so much weight that I was forced to go to the bottle. I tried my hardest to do both but she didn't want my breast after about 2 months. It was heart breaking I cried and still get choked up when I hear of other women succeeding. I'm happy for them but I'm sad for my daughter and for myself. Clearly you love your child and you do your absolute best for him... I will be a follower of this blog from now on and I look forward to reading!! Thanks for posting!!

 
At April 28, 2011 at 4:21 PM , Blogger B said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At May 19, 2011 at 11:23 AM , Blogger Paola said...

Wow! I just found your Blog and I absolutely LOVE it! I admire you for opening up and standing up for yourself. It takes a very courage person to do what you did and express your feeling to everyone.
Love the tutorials and I think your style is very unique and I can wait to see more of. I hope your days are filled of lots of laugh, love and health. Do not let others who are unhappy with their life bother you in any way. You are your own person and no one should judge your decisions (they are certainly not God). my best to you and your precious family.

 
At July 13, 2011 at 1:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, great blog! I have two little (actually they're gigantic) babies, and tried to breastfeed both, but failed both times for different reasons. People don't know your situation or how things work for you, but it is easy to look from the outside and point out what is wrong, simply because they haven't had to deal with it. You have a happy baby who loves you, and whether you feed him meat or tofu or carrots or breastmilk or whatever works is YOUR decision and he's obviously healthy!! p.s. from an encouraging anonymous post because the other ways of posting aren't common in my country! ttfn

 
At July 22, 2011 at 9:51 AM , Anonymous Tara said...

I've just posted an anonimous comment with regards to your Victorian Lace bracelet. Overwhelmed with exitement at seeing such wonderful crafting and being terrible at anything to do with computers, I found it easy and quick to post anonimously. Only to find your post on "anonimous" senders! Well, just for the record, this is my first post EVER on any blog, and all I wanted to do on impulse is let you know how much I enjoy your crafts and pictures and your bubbly personality that shines through your writing. I will be visiting your web again for sure. Greetings from Spain

 
At July 25, 2011 at 11:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have never ever commented on a blog before, yours touched me. I just recently found your website and think it is amazing, I am going to use anonymous for this reason only re: your earlier comment how nice it would be to recieve an anonymous comment like this "hey LMM, you are super sweet and super rad and a super duper momma and I am too shy to say it to your face so I am posting anonymously". You wrote I mean it.
Anyways this particular post got me, I have a 16 yr old daughter who is one of the best people I know, she is honest, open, funny and snarky and is my best friend, we could not be any closer if she was attached to me and she has never (thankfully) been "sick". Due to circumstances I couldnt breastfeed her, I was young, single and wanted to prove to everyone that I was the best momma in the world and at that I failed, and felt horrible but she turned out fabulous. A year ago I got a second chance and had another beautiful baby girl and I thought "here's my chance to try again, to actually experience it, to feel what others do, to do what everyone says is best for my baby" and then I tried and she SCREAMED and screamed and screamed, I tried again and again I asked the nurses for help, they called in "the specialist" they gropped and grabbed and manhandled me and my baby grabbing her little face and forcing her onto my breast for 3 days, by the end I begged for formula, she was starving, they said "no and to keep trying (I had bruises on my breasts from them trying). This didnt feel right my baby hated me, didnt want me (or so my sleep deprived exhausted self thought), but I knew she was starving! I was overwhelmed and exhausted and felt like a failure and I just wanted to go home with my baby, and the nurses told me that they were not going to release me until she learned, I knew in my heart she was miserable that it wasnt going to work that it wasnt what she needed, it wasnt meant to be, what she needed was food and now! and if I couldnt give it to her by breast milk then fine but I was damn well going to make sure she got fed she was hungry. So, I lied, "yes nurse it's all good by golly we got it now" and we left and I cried and cried and felt like a failure and my husband tried so hard to soothe me with a there, there and a pat on the knee(blessed his silly little heart but lets face it they are clueless)so we bought formula on the way home, I put her up against my chest and I fed her and she ate and ate and ate, sighed and fell asleep. And she is the (in my opinion) the brightest, smartest, most beautiful, healthy baby girl in the world along with my first. I apologize for this being such a long comment (story/novel), but it seemed that while I couldnt breast feed my baby every nurse/mother/commercial/website was against me I was a horrible momma and didnt deserve my girls and that hurt deeply and so I finally got my bitch on; MY girls are PERFECT and I am a GREAT momma as are YOU because we recognized and gave our babies what they actually needed not what someone else "deemed" suitable for our children.

Thank you lmm, for your website, for letting me know I am not alone amongst the craziness.

 
At August 1, 2011 at 6:34 PM , Blogger Kate said...

Ashley, thank you for this post.

I am struggling with this very thing today (the formula, not comments)

I had to supplement my 4 month old for the first time today. And it broke my heart. I cried and cried. I feel like a failure even though I know I'm not.

What did you do to overcome these feelings?

LOVE your blog!

-Kate

mommakatepala.blogspot.com

 
At August 2, 2011 at 2:34 PM , Blogger Amii x said...

I'm in tears reading this whole post and these comments. May I say first of all, your courage Ashley in confronting anonymous commenters, and secondly (but by no means less worthy) the comments expressing the opinions, thoughts, emotions and the experiences of the people above has literally moved me to tears. Really, I'm in work and crying - busted for being on blogger I guess!

I went through a similar situation... I went through my whole pregnancy, and I was determined I was going to breastfeed my little booger monster until he had it coming out his ears. Until he was born that is - he was an incredibly lazy feeder, and no amount of midwives, health visitors and BFing coaches would coax him into it and I eventually had to give up on the idea and move him fully to the bottle. There is nothing more that makes you FEEL (emphasis on that word, feel) like a failure than not being able to do what surely must be the most natural thing in the world...but the thing that makes you KNOW you are a good mother is still being there to provide and do the best for your child no matter what.

Take care everyone. x

 

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