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I Hate Needles

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Little Miss Momma: I Hate Needles

Monday, March 1, 2010

I Hate Needles

I hate needles...
...and today I was reminded why.
It all began when I was about 4 years old and I had a severe allergic reaction, requiring me to receive multiple steroid shots at once. I remember this incident like it was yesterday; sobbing my eyes out as my mom promised we could go to Toys R Us as soon as we left the doctors office.

In the years that followed, every time I was required to get a shot of any kind, tears would immediately fill my eyes. The needle some how pressed this invisible button on my body that triggered an emotional sob fest and the need for a hug from my mommy.

When I got pregnant, Mr. B came with me to the doctors office to provide moral support as they drew my blood to run the standard preggo tests...imagine my surprise when I didn't even get the chance to cry because Mr. B passed out cold on the floor as soon as the needle entered my vein {what a sweet heart}!

The day Wesley was born I had to be hooked up to an IV--a process I was not looking forward to, and with good reason. Here is a picture of Mr. B and me just before they attempted to put the IV in:

How happy I am?! {and yes, I realize I was HUGE}

And here is a picture of me after 3 nurses attempted and FAILED to put in my IV (failed miserably and painfully, might I add):

How priceless is that look on my face? And can you see the cotton ball on my left arm? Yet the IV is in my right arm? Strange, right. That's because the first three butchered attempts were on my left arm before they moved on to my right arm.
{I would get an IV any day as long as this pure joy was the outcome}

And this brings us to my devastating experience today:

Mr. B has a rare blood disorder that Lil W has a 50% chance of inheriting. And today was the day we had to take him in for the blood work (which would be done with needles, of course). This would be the first time they would draw blood from my Little Man with a needle (usually they would make a small incision on his heel). I was lucky enough to have Mr. B with me for what would be the hardest thing I have had to do as a mother as of yet.
Just like my IV experience, this nurse was unable to get a steady flow the first time she put the needle in my little 8 month old's tiny little arm. The rather large needle stayed in his arm as she jiggled and jostled it around in hopes of stimulating blood flow. No such luck. And meanwhile, my little guy was letting out the most piercing and heart wrenching shrieks and sobs you could imagine. I had never heard him cry like this before. I felt my throat swell up as the tears dripped from his chin. As the nurse pulled out the needle and told me we would have to try again on the other arm, I almost threw up right there. How could I let him go through this again?
I held back the tears as she switched arms and W began to sob in pain again. By the time she filled the entire vile, his crying had turned into hyperventilating sobs. I quickly wrapped him in my arms and promised him everything would be okay. I walked out of the doctors office with many looks of sympathy from those in the waiting room. At this point I had still managed to fight off the tears.

As soon as we exited the hospital, the tears began to flow--I couldn't hold them back any longer. Every tear from every needle that had ever entered my arm could not compare to how I felt for what my son had just been forced to endure.
Neither Mr. B nor I said a single word the whole way home. As I sat there in silence I was filled with emotion as I thought of other moms out there who have to deal with needles--of other moms who have to hold the hands of their little ones as they get stitched up after their first accident--of other moms who stay up all night to hear the breathing of their sick child--of other moms who take their precious kiddos to get blood drawn, receive MRI's, CT scans and Chemo on a daily basis--of moms who have to say goodbye to a little one too soon.

My heart was filled with sorrow and love as I thought of these moms. I thought of how much stronger and how much braver you are than me, of how much I have to learn from you, of how much I admire what you do!
So to all you moms out there: what you do matters, and thanks for what you do!

Here is Little W when we got home. What a trooper!

love, ashley

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At March 2, 2010 at 7:31 AM , Blogger Nicole Bergman said...

I'm SO sorry you had to go through this! :( I think it's often harder for the Mommy than the baby. You're a trooper though (so is your little man!)- and it's all over with for now, so yay! I have to take my daughter for her regular 12 month vaccination in a week and I've already got that pit in my stomach and feel sick about it.

At March 2, 2010 at 7:53 AM , Blogger Brittany@Love Stitched said...

I totally have tears in my eyes after reading this. I could feel little mans pain through the computer :( I wish I could give him a big hug and kiss!! I am sure I will be out there soon enough ;) Your such an amazing mom - whether you cry from shots or not :) love ya!

At March 2, 2010 at 8:07 AM , Blogger Dan, Lauren, and Sadie said...

oh my heck this post made me cry! first i thought of sadie when she got her two month shots. then i thought of what my mom must have gone through when my sister had leukemia. she was 2! and lived in the hospital for three months. wow only makes me look up to my mom even more for being so strong. cant image doing that myself. moms are amazing!

At March 2, 2010 at 8:21 AM , Blogger Lyndsi said...

Oh little Wesley, and 'Little Momma'.....sooo sad=( You got me when he started hyperventilating....poor little guy. Hopefully he won't inherit your fear of needles or Ben's passing out when he see's them=)

At March 2, 2010 at 10:00 AM , Blogger Kristyn said...

You got me too. I hate it when Jack has to get shots! It kills you as a mom to see your little guy in pain, and then to have them say that they had to do it again. It sent shivers down my back. But I have to say I love the angry Ashley face when you got your iv.

At March 2, 2010 at 1:21 PM , Blogger Peppermint Sage Designs said...

Awww. Poor little W.

At March 2, 2010 at 1:28 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

I feel your pain. I hate needles with a passion too. When my sister and I were younger we used to bite my moms arms. She was trooper of course, because shed always come out with bite marks which then turned to bruises and she bruises easily. When I was in the hospital in Nov I had about 20 needle stabs. I have a lot of medicine allergies and had a bad case of a bladder infection that drove me to the hospital. I was there for a week, so I had to get the needle changed 2. At one point they couldnt put it in, my veins arent deep enough apparently and while I was crying my eyes out, they had to go get the IV specialist. It took her 2 stabs to get it in. It was the worst experience of my life. & then to top it off, after I got out of the hospital, I had a nurse come to my house to insert a midline catheter-more tears and lots of squeezing the bf's hand. I dont have any kids yet, but I hate it when my dachshund has to go to the vet and get needles. I guess that counts right? Your son is beautiful and so sorry that he had to get so many needles. I hope the results are good & hopefully he doesnt have this condition.


At March 2, 2010 at 2:24 PM , Blogger *~Jess~* said...

How very sad!!!!!!!!!! I have tears reading that. Oh how it hurts to be a mom. You just want to keep them from all the pain. So sorry!!

At March 2, 2010 at 4:59 PM , Blogger ashley @ little miss momma said...

Thanks for all your kinds word everyone! I love reading your comments and having your support! Wes is feeling much better today, thank you (except for the permanent runny nose he seems to have).

At March 2, 2010 at 10:02 PM , Blogger Shannon said...

Awe, poor little man! Glad he is feeling better again, and hope you are, too :).

At March 6, 2010 at 12:50 AM , Blogger Casey said...

Awww your son is absolutely gorgeous! It sounds like you did a wonderful job at the hospital, you did what was best for your little boy under the circumstances. I hope that I am as strong as you are when I become a mother!

At March 24, 2010 at 9:20 PM , Blogger Missie Krissie said...

Eeep! I'm sobbing like a baby. I have the exact same fear of needles, also from a horrible incident. I couldn't even get my bloods done when I was pregnant with my eldest. After 5 separate tries they decided to leave it rather than cause more stress to me and the baby. And eventually when he was born and had to go for his first set of shots (3 in one go!)- I went to tears as soon as they did the first one! Since then my hubby has been the one to hold down both my kids while they get their shots. I'm the one who sits out in the waiting room (still almost in tears) and enfolds them into my arms for Mommy Cuddles when they come out! Much better!
Hope your little man is alright now!
xx Kris

At May 11, 2010 at 7:04 PM , Blogger Adventures in Abelingland said...

Ashley, what kind of blood disorder? Both my sons have abnormal hemoglobin and have both had their blood drawn on their 9 month birthday. IT is as awful as you describe. I still to this day have to have butterfly needles and I faint from the thought of a prick. I too would trade all of the needle pricks in the world so my boys wouldnt have to go through that again. Hope W is Ok.

At May 20, 2010 at 12:51 PM , Blogger ashley @ little miss momma said...

Sorry, i totally neglected to answer about baby W's blood disorder. My hub has hereditary spherocytosis, of which Baby W had a 50% chance of having also {which is why we had the blood test}. GREAT NEWS: He does NOT have it! Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed for future babes :)

At May 15, 2011 at 1:17 PM , Blogger "Cottage By The Sea" said...

I've heard that having children is like wearing your heart on the OUTSIDE of your body. Your pain when they are in pain is even worse than theirs. There is nothing you wouldn't do for them, including feeling their own pain. You are a true momma now. That picture of your little W succinctly the end of your post is precious. The little bandaids - I could barely stand it. And sorry to say, it seems never to end, helping them to endure the trials of growing up. But it's all worth it in the end. Blessings.


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