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A Moment of Panic in Momma-hood

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Little Miss Momma: A Moment of Panic in Momma-hood

Friday, December 17, 2010

A Moment of Panic in Momma-hood

It can strike at any time.

At the park.

At the dinner table.

In the shower.

This time it happened at the grocery store.

At first, everything is fine.

I go about my usual routine--nothing out of the ordinary, just a regular day.

And then it happens.

Almost out of nowhere,

I become overwhelmed--but not in the good way.

My body becomes flooded with panic--panic that I am messing up at this whole Momma-hood job.

My heart beats faster, my arm pits tingle {yes, this happens when I get anxious}, and the room feels like it's 100 degrees.

A million things that I am surely failing at begin to race through my mind.

He doesn't eat a balanced enough diet.

He should be sleeping in his own bed.

I should have weaned him from a bottle by now.

I'm not reading to him enough.

Am I getting him enough social interaction?

Do I have enough patience with him?

Oh man, he's not on a waiting list for one of those popular
pre-schools--should he be?

Does he play outside enough?

Is he watching too much TV?

The list goes on.

And for some reason, I convince myself that every other Momma I know has got it all figured out.

That I am the only one making mistakes every day.

The only one who is near certain that I will blame myself for every mistake my son will ever make.

And then I force myself to take a deep breath,

I finish buying my groceries,

take a look at my son smiling back at me,

and I force the moment of panic to pass me by.

Because this is Momma-hood:

Always worrying that you're not doing enough,
that your kids failures will be your own,
that you're messing up.

And then you take a deep breath {which we Momma's don't do enough}, and you remind yourself that Momma-hood is MOSTLY:

Hugs and kisses.
Miracles and milestones.
And moments like these.

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At December 17, 2010 at 11:58 PM , Blogger Rhianna said...

Thank you so much for this! How did you know I needed this today?! You are such a doll, keep it up!

At December 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM , Blogger Lyndsi said...

Awww...I miss him already (and you 2 of course). You're not a failure, you'd be a failure if you didn't worry ;-) You're the best Momma for little W!!

At December 18, 2010 at 12:12 AM , Blogger Chelsea Roylance said...

I came across your blog a few weeks ago and I have been an avid reader ever since. You are so inspiring :) I can totally relate to everything you blog about. I became a momma about 6 months ago and I've already felt those moments of panic that you talked about... I look at other girls who have been mothers longer than I have and I can't help but compare myself to them and think I must look so ridiculous in their shadow, but then I tell myself it's not true, and everyone feels the same way... just a little inadequate. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world, they really are beautiful, I look forward to reading them every day :)

At December 18, 2010 at 12:28 AM , Blogger ahappygirl said...

Amen girl. Amen.

I was just thinking about how a year ago tonight I was in labor and delivery thinking I was going to have my little miracle at 32 weeks. And now? Now she's sneakily updating my facebook status on my iPhone while I'm not looking.


Received my headband today...I ADORE it!

At December 18, 2010 at 12:30 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

You are not a failure, because if you were then that would mean I am too, hehe. Our 2 year old son still sleeps with us (major parenting fail, right?). I'm quite sure he'll sleep in his own bed ONE day. And he just became one of the pickiest eaters, used to eat everything in site, now he just wants bread and lunch meat and cereal. Oh and anything else covered in sugar. You're definitely not alone.

At December 18, 2010 at 12:33 AM , Blogger Pink Princess said...

Looking at the pictures of your "baby" you're doing a great job ♥ HE IS A CUTYPIE!!

At December 18, 2010 at 1:08 AM , Blogger emerson-j said...

i think our first babies throw us into those thoughts, i know had did with my first (and still do), second babies arent so overwhelming..i really like how u are so real its great!

At December 18, 2010 at 3:09 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

I'm a new follower...LOVE your blog! One question, where did you get that adorable bag in the background? I need it pronto!

At December 18, 2010 at 5:05 AM , Blogger Ali Rockwell said...

I am positive that every parent feels this way from time to time, but like you said... You just need to love them and do what you think is best and things will turn out perfectly :) Your little boy is absolutely adorable... He is just such a handsome little man :) You're doing an awesome job with him, I can tell ;)

Your house is amazing by the way. I love everything that I can see in the background of these pictures :)

At December 18, 2010 at 5:55 AM , Blogger M.O.T.B said...

My almost two year old still gets a bottle at night, comes into our room about midnight every night, the TV is on most of the time, I do lose my patience and sometimes I even raise my voice {especially at 3 year old}, I am still a good mommy and guess what so are you...

At December 18, 2010 at 6:15 AM , Blogger Michelle Life Buy The Beach said...

You are the Bestest Momma in the whold wide world!

At December 18, 2010 at 6:15 AM , Blogger kristy.lynn @ kristy.makes said...

totally with you on that one.. you feel like you can NEVER do enough.. in the end, ya have to pick what is right for you & hope it doesn't scar your child for life... :)

At December 18, 2010 at 6:45 AM , Blogger jillian sara said...

I feel this way all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME!!! My little man is about to be 10 months old. At least once a day I get this thought in my mind. Thank you for posting this and having a great blog. :)

At December 18, 2010 at 7:05 AM , Blogger Marianne said...

My mom and my mentor from church both told me when I complained that I thought I would be over this now having a five six year old and a 18 month old, that I should know what I was doing and have it all figured out, that they still feel like this even though their kids are grown up and they have grandkids now.
It really is a part of momma hood.

At December 18, 2010 at 7:07 AM , Blogger Kristyn @ Good Gravy Crafts said...

You are not alone Sweetie....I felt like you were reading my mind!


At December 18, 2010 at 7:10 AM , Blogger A Thrifted Market said...

I don't think your kids ever get old enough where you don't think this..ugh! I have 2 teens and one that will be twenty on Monday and sometimes I have that panic feeling and think have I done the best job I could have done? They are such great kids but I always second guess myself. Thanks for the post..we are never alone! Merry Christmas!

At December 18, 2010 at 7:27 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

You made me laugh today! This happens to me all the time. I think it will continue to happen until my kid is married, and then I will worry if she is doing it for her kids! I always wonder about her diet, especially when I ask what she wants for breakfast and I hear something like this " hmm, I want chips", me "no", "then I want mac and cheese", me "no", "candy?", me "absolutely no". She never wants the healthy stuff. You'd think all I fed her was junk, but I really don't. I just figure we survived childhood just fine, and we got all the stuff they tell us not to give our kids, so they will be fine too. Right....

At December 18, 2010 at 8:20 AM , Blogger Maria-Isabel @ Agape Love Designs said...

You always give me goosebumps with just about every thing you post. :) I may not know you in real life, but just from your blog I can tell that you are a wonderful momma! And I thank you for letting the rest of us mommas know we are not alone! :)

At December 18, 2010 at 9:40 AM , Blogger Lauri said...

Holy cow girl...what a gorgeous little guy!!

At December 18, 2010 at 9:54 AM , Blogger Ashley C. said...

Your son is so adorable, and if anything I would think that you ARE one of the moms that has it all together. But the reality is that we're all in the same boat. Read this post - it applies to you too. You are very inspirational in homes that you don't even know. :)

At December 18, 2010 at 10:07 AM , Blogger Brooke Anna @ Mommy Does... said...

I see that bag!!! LOVE IT!

At December 18, 2010 at 11:55 AM , Blogger Laura said...

You little one looks super cute and super happy. You must be doing something right!
PS. my arm pitts tingle when I get suddenly scared or anxious...take comfort in the fact that big or little, good or bad, you're not the only one going through it :)

At December 18, 2010 at 1:24 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

what a precious little man! I love those kinds of moments - it can make all those other panicky ones just disappear!

At December 18, 2010 at 1:32 PM , Blogger Kelsey said...

I wonder the same things! My boys are 3 and 1 1/2. I always think ... Wyatt doesn't sleep in his own bed yet, Mason still drinks from his bottle, and I don't take them to daycare so are they getting enough interaction with other kids? Ugh the list goes on and on... but then I look at them and know that they are loved and that is what is most important.

At December 18, 2010 at 1:39 PM , Blogger Stephanie said...

Tell your self this everytime you get anxious-EVERY MOTHER FEELS THE SAME WAY YOU DO- everyone is constantly worrying about how they are parenting. Children don't come with a manual and we will all make mistakes so to try to live up to never make a mistake is foolish thinking. As a mother of 3 boys (8,6,20months) I am still making mistakes but my kids are healthy and happy. You are a great mom especially if you worry about being a mommy! Hang in there!

At December 18, 2010 at 2:18 PM , Blogger Amanda said...

no words can explain to you how much i can relate this everything you just wrote and it brought me to tears. funny thing you should know... when i came across your blog (last week?) i IMMEDIATELY just KNEW you were a momma who "had it all figured out". ;) thank you for this post. you may not have it all figured out BUT, do any of us? or do we figure it out as we go based on what feels right and what our heart tells us, and what our patience allows us. :) Xoxo

At December 18, 2010 at 3:09 PM , Anonymous Courtney Moser said...

I needed this today! My daughter is almost 6 months old, and I can't help but compare her to other babies. Facebook is the worst place, because I might see a picture of someone's child doing something Kynlee hasn't done yet and I start to second-guess what kind of mother I am. But I have to keep reminding myself, like you did, that I am an awesome mom!

ps...I adore you're blog :)

At December 18, 2010 at 3:41 PM , Blogger Hillary and Jonathan said...

I just found your blog a few days ago and I've already determined we should be best friends! I'm glad I'm not the only one that has these moments. :)

At December 18, 2010 at 6:09 PM , Blogger The Pittsburgh Hites said...

Even though my armpits don't tingle I have these moments way too often. My 2 year old son does not eat, period. It drives me MAD, and it took our 7 month old to get him out of our bed. aka, she forced him out (most nights)
I just found your blog on your TT&J tutorial and just got a chance to read though a little more thanks to Toy Story being on tonight! LOVE your tutorials, I have already made THREE necklaces to give as Christmas presents. I even went back and got this great vintage lace yesterday to make another one for my favorite cousin who's in her freshman year in NYC.
I can tell you that I DO NOT have it figured out, and honestly just take it a day at a time, so thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!! GREAT BLOG!

At December 18, 2010 at 8:14 PM , Blogger Lindsay said...

This is SO normal. We all have been there :) You are doing a GREAT job Ashley!

At December 18, 2010 at 8:29 PM , Blogger Amber said...

Oh man, you are not alone! I have been following your blog for a few months now and you crack me up! I have a 15 month old boy and your little boy reminds me so much of my boy! We just had our 15 month old appointment and my doctor told us to get him off the bottle! I looked at him and said, you do it! I'm glad that we are not the only ones still using a bottle at this age!

At December 18, 2010 at 8:57 PM , Blogger Heidi @ Honeybear Lane said...

Great post. I have been feeling like the #1 worst mom on earth lately since the TV has been on so much and I've been working non stop. I think my baby's first word will be TV instead of Mama! :(

But I keep telling myself that once the holiday passes and I'm caught up on work I will take more time. And never take on so much work every again. You are an amazing mother and an amazing person! I just recently started following your blog and I already love you!


At December 19, 2010 at 10:45 AM , Blogger Jessica the Jacked LDS said...

if it makes u feel any better, i had so many of those attacks that i just gave up. whatever happens from here on out.

oh and izey is 2.5 and still on a bottle. who cares.

At December 19, 2010 at 12:41 PM , Blogger Jaimie said...

I get the same feeling sometimes. Almost every day when he is finally asleep, I think to myself.. did I do enough today?

P.S. Your living room is divine.

At December 19, 2010 at 11:17 PM , Blogger LeaAnne said...

One of my BFF's saw your post and we all read it and said we feel the SAME WAY! :)
It is amazing that we wait and pray and are SO exited to be Momma's & when it happens it is the most scary fearful Wonderful thing that you can imagine. Thanks for the post!

At December 20, 2010 at 11:43 AM , Blogger Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam & Dylan Too said...

What a great post! You summed up motherhood perfectly!

At December 21, 2010 at 1:33 PM , Blogger Life in Rehab said...

Oooooo, gratuitous belly button shot! How can you even THINK you're not perfect when you see that little monkey smile? And your floors are a lot cleaner than mine by the way.

At December 21, 2010 at 10:03 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

tears tears tears...... but im so glad im not the only one haha. Thank you

At December 22, 2010 at 8:57 PM , Blogger Just Another MilSpouse said...

OK, so I have these moments too. I typically get them in the middle of the night. I will wake up out of a sound sleep and just start stressing about everything I have done wrong, will do wrong, could do wrong, etc. It usually ends with me staying up all night and being exhausted and grumpy in the morning. Not fun. But I go through it too, as I'm sure many others do. You aren't alone.

At December 23, 2010 at 11:30 AM , Blogger TDM Wendy said...

If your son dresses up like that you are FOR SURE a good mom. And the face fact that your handbag coordinates with the clock - best mom ever. He is adorable!
Motherhood is hard and great and exhausting and undoable and fun and tiring and challenging and easy and hard. Wait, did I say easy? Rarely easy.
Hope you have a great Christmas.
Just found your blog through Heather at angel face designs.

At January 4, 2011 at 3:20 PM , Blogger Jenny {Heavenly Blossoms} said...

Very good post :) Thanks so much for sharing this....we all feel this I'm sure :) And you post reassures that :)

At January 7, 2011 at 7:38 AM , Blogger kristie said...

I just found your blog today and many things you write sound like they should be coming from my mouth... but then again you probably hear that a lot!! I am in pre-baby mode and many of thw things on your special space are wonderful to read. Is it bad to worry before you even are a momma? haha I look forward to many more visits! Thanks Ashley xo

At January 24, 2011 at 1:13 AM , Blogger purple24 said...

I feel that everyday. ((HUGS))

At February 3, 2011 at 8:52 AM , Blogger Megan {The Brick Bungalow} said...

I worry about the same stuff, especially the bottle issues and getting outside enough, watching too much tv, and those similar issues. Our little one sleeps well in her own bed, but she wants a bottle to help her sleep. But my mom says I was the same way... so, it'll all work out. And your little one seems perfect and it looks like he's doing great!


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