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Life after an accident {secret revealed}

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Little Miss Momma: Life after an accident {secret revealed}

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Life after an accident {secret revealed}

{get caught up on Secret Week here}

Nichelle's Secret:

January 4th of this year, I was in a sledding accident.
I broke 3 bones in my back, 8 ribs, dislocated my hip and punctured/deflated/bruised one of my lungs.
I should've died, I should've been paralyzed, but I wasn't.

I actually was really grateful for this,
The injury was a nice distraction from other things in my life that had hurt me.

Don't get me wrong, I was sad to be bed ridden, and have to miss a semester of college, and wasn't looking forward to the long road of recovery,
but I was grateful to have this to focus on instead of getting over my fiance who cheated on me, stole money from me and left me.

I was grateful to focus on something other than my mental recovery from sexual abuse from my childhood that I had just been confronted about.

Having a positive attitude,
and getting over these physical barriers,
this, THIS I could handle.

But then,
another twist to the story...

I had to go in to have surgery on my hip.
During surgery they accidentally cut my sciatic nerve,
leaving the bottom half of my left leg paralyzed.
Yep, you read that right, after escaping death and dodging becoming paralyzed, a surgical mistake left me with that fate, not the tree I crashed into.

At first it was really hard to handle, but I have so much support it's insane.
I didn't know that this many people knew me, let alone cared.

For the first couple months, I had so many visitors and so much support--it was amazing, and inspiring.

I felt like I could conquer the world, and I slowly started adjusting to my new life.

One day, I woke up and I was sick of using crutches, so I started using a cane. Then, I was sick of that, so I wobbled without it. Then, I got my brace, which makes it so you can hardly tell. I can't wear it all the time, but most people can't tell that anything is wrong with me. I got off my butt, I worked hard, and I started conquering my obstacle!

My secret is,
now that the initial shock is over,
and I have less support,
I am broken down.

Even though, I'm a paralyzed person who can walk,
I still feel inadequate.

Everyone else's life has moved on,
and mine is still stuck in this physically,
painful time in my life.

I miss riding my bike.
I miss running up the stairs.
I miss wiggling my toes.

No one thinks this is hard anymore
because of how much I can do now.

But the truth is, it's harder now than it was during all my surgeries.
It's harder now then when I was in severe pain.
It's harder now, because I'm feel all alone.
It's harder now, because people say how proud they are me,
and I only see how much farther I have to go.

I'm glad I've been able to have a positive attitude.
I'm glad my circumstance has helped some other people.

I'm glad I can walk.
I'm glad those who this effected, especially my close friends and family, aren't as scared anymore and can see my life is improving and almost normal again.

I'm glad I'm alive.

But sometimes I just want someone to hold me while I cry and say, "This really sucks, doesn't it?"

My secret is, I'm not as strong as everyone perceives me to be.


Let's show Nichelle some love
{in the comments section}, shall we!

You can grab your very own Secret Series Button on the right sidebar:
Simply copy the code, then got to "add a gadget" in your blogger dashboard, then add "html", then paste the code, then click "save" {that's it}!

 TOMORROW, we will conclude this portion of the Secret Series with a link up party--where I will encourage YOU to link up a post with your secret {no matter how big or small--serious or silly}.

For ALL those of you who have sent me your secrets,
You are oh-so-brave and you have my utmost respect!
I literally received over 50 secrets, and only had the opportunity to post a handful.
I want to thank you for your courage and your strength.
You are such remarkable women and your story deserves to be shared with the world.
I encourage you to post your story in tomorrows link party,
however, I completely understand if many of you will want to remain anonymous.
I will post a few more secrets tomorrow, so stay tuned.
Thanks for your support of this series and of one another!
We are NOT alone!

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At December 2, 2010 at 6:41 PM , Blogger sara said...

I can't hold you while you cry, but if it helps...that really sucks and whether you can feel that foot or not, I think you kick ass with it!

At December 2, 2010 at 6:41 PM , Blogger Tara said...

My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine that happening. I feel sadness and anger for you simply for the fact a Dr. did this to you. Given you are a stranger to me, I wish I could help you in some way. From what you said though you seem like such a strong women. Most people would have given up and been filled with hate and anger. You are a stronger women then you may think.

At December 2, 2010 at 7:01 PM , Blogger Amanda @ Life with A.Co said...

Incredible, simply incredible. I can't believe the cards Michelle has been dealt, after escaping death and having the surgery leaving half her leg paralized, and being able to drum up the courage to tell us her story, and her secret, and her sadness - wow.

Michelle, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You have come SO FAR and I'm sure EVERYONE is so proud of you, so incredibly baffled that you have done a practical 180 since that unfortunate day almost a year ago. Despite everyone's nonchalance, I feel pretty positive that if you were to share your heart ache with someone you love and trust (mom? dad? aunt? cousin?), perhaps they could lend you that shoulder to cry on, because you know what? This DOES really suck, and even though you have overcome SO MUCH, it SUCKS you had to overcome anything in the first place - but you are amazing. Truly amazing. An inspiration. I mean it.

A.Co @ A.Co est. 1984

At December 2, 2010 at 7:14 PM , Blogger Jessie K said...

Nichelle, that sucks. It really does. You have been through so much, but this is the straw that feels like it's breaking the camel's back, isn't it. You, my dear, are strong. You have been so strong, but it's okay to need to cry and yell and scream and say, "This really, really sucks!" every once in a while.

At December 2, 2010 at 8:29 PM , Anonymous lia b said... does suck and I can't imagine what you are going through but if there is someone close to you who you can confide in and share with them like you have with us, it may help.
You ARE stronger and braver than you think...youve made it this far girl! Hugs!

At December 2, 2010 at 9:48 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

Words cannot express the love that I have for this girl. Nichelle, I love you even more knowing this about you. You're a rockstar.

At December 3, 2010 at 9:28 AM , Blogger Kelli said...

I wish I could hold you while you cry and just be there to listen and comfort you, but unfortunatley I can't. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that I think you are a remarkable women who is has more strength than any of us could ever imagine!

Kelli @

At January 1, 2011 at 9:09 AM , Blogger Lindsey said...

If I were near you, I would give you a big ole hug.
I know you don't know me very well, but...Remember, I'm here (on Facebook, anyway) if you ever need to talk or anything.


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