The Scoop on Baby's W's Sleep Issues {in case you wanted to know}

What's your biggest fear?

Mine...

FAILURE.

And there's nothing quite like parenthood to provide a Momma with the unending and overwhelming fear that "I'm failing this particular momma-test".

Just the other day Baby W had his 15 month check up. If you read this post then you know that I agonize over each of these appointments. Not because I fear that my baby is sick {I am blessed that he is so healthy}, but because I fear that my doctor will ever so kindly inform me that I am--pardon my French--screwing my child up.

Kind of like the time the pediatrician told me that I have a "difficult baby" and I translated that to mean that I have no control over my child and it's all my fault that he can't sit still and self-entertain with a toy like his toddler friends--surely I did something to cause his hyperness, right?!

And while I think Baby W's doctor is top notch {one in a million, even}, he certainly is black and white in his approach to raising a child. For example, even before Baby W was born, he told us "NEVER bring the baby in bed with you, NEVER EVER".

Of course not, pre-baby Ashley and Hubby would never think of doing something so "not-by-the-book".

But then Baby W was born, and our "by the book" plan changed--drastically, might I add.

It wasn't more than two months after our little guy was born that this tiny, warm, little bundle of happiness was curled up in a little ball in between Momma and Daddy every night. We couldn't resist his new baby smell, not to mention everything just seemed easier with him right next to us {feeding, changing, etc.}.

Flash forward a few months...

Baby W: still adorable {he even still has the new baby smell}...

And a sleep deprived Mommy and Daddy are haunted by our doctor's infamous words: "Never bring the baby in bed with you"

Our little bundle transformed into a thrashing, kicking and head bonking sleeping baby--and after one too many kicks in the face, this Momma and Daddy were ready to put the babe back in his crib.

The first few weeks were rough--so rough in fact that the hubby had to go on a long drive every time I put Baby W down for bed--he couldn't handle the sound of Baby W's piercing cries.

Eventually we got Baby W to sleep in his own crib--for a little bit anyway. Every hour and a half without fail Baby W was awake--and screaming at the top of his lungs. It wasn't long before he had learned how to climb out of the crib and crash down onto the floor sending us into a panicked tail spin.

We even went so far as to install one of those tents on top of his crib--which he dismantled immediately.

We were tired and defeated.

I started hiding in his room so I could figure out how he was getting out of his crib. And that's when I discovered the truth to how Baby W was waking up in the middle of the night...

Baby W is a big-time snorer--has been since day one. So when I sat, hiding in the corner of his dark room listening to his snores as I waited patiently for him to wake up...I noticed silence.

As in no sound whatsoever...

No snoring.

No breathing.

And then, about 10 seconds later a loud GASP for breath.

Followed by a disoriented Baby W standing up in his crib with his eyes still closed as his stumbled around, eventually crashing face first into the side of the crib.

I sprinted from my hiding place in the corner and scooped up my sobbing and bruised baby.

As you can guess, he was back in our bed for the next month--where we monitored his every movement and breath. We began to notice a pattern that explained Baby W's frequent awakenings throughout the middle of the night. Loud snoring, silence, stop breathing, gasp for breath, disoriented thrashing, crying, and then back to sleep. Over and over and over again.

And since I pretty much have a doctorate in googling--I headed over to my favorite search engine to find some answers; and this is what I found:

Sleep Apnea

And when we took Baby W to see his doctor the next day our suspicions were confirmed. Baby W's tonsils and adenoids are just too large for that little breathing hole of his--resulting in a terrible night's sleep {for baby and mommy/daddy}.

And you want to know how I felt?

Sad? Sure, a little. The extent to Baby W's sleep disorder is by no means life threatening, so there is little to worry about, so long as we monitor his sleeping conditions.

What I mostly felt--RELIEF.

Baby W's diagnosis helped relieve my biggest fear. I was NOT failing my son. I had not caused his horrible sleeping habits. This was not my fault. And this is not something I can control.

I came home that day with a new energy to combat his middle of the night "freak out sessions", with more energy to wake up for the day at 5:45 am every morning, and with a new perspective on how much we beat ourselves up as Momma's.

We're not perfect, but I promise you, we're better than we think we are.

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