Heel Skin and an Eye Ball {true story}

Today I received a looooong overdo pedicure.

As in 5 months overdo.

It had pretty much gotten to the point that it was either get a pedicure,
or else move up a shoe size to make room for my new claws

{because I don't usually take the time to clip my own nails--sad, I know}.

And everything was glorious as usual about the whole pedicure foot bath experience...

That is until the guy giving me my pedi started to use that giant chain saw looking machine to scrape the 3 pounds of dead skin off my heels...

and a large chunk of heel skin flew from my foot directly into his eye.

and he nearly vomited with disgust as he ran to the sink to rinse out his eye ball.

and I was mortified,

especially since I spent the rest of the pedicure staring at his blood shot and swollen eye ball.

But at least I left 3 pounds lighter.

true story.

_________________________________________________________

Sidenote:

Baby W asked if you could send someone over here to change his diaper.

His Momma is slackin.

Home Alone and it feels so...weird

Home alone.

For the first time in longer than I can remember.

A list of "To Do's" a mile long--and now's my chance to cross them off without a toddler grabbing my ankles or the hubby asking me where we keep the dish towels for the 30th time this week {love you hun}.

Laundry.

Clean out the fridge.

Answer emails.

Vacuum.

But there's something oddly paralyzing about the emptiness and silence of my home.

Something that has me wandering in circles in and out of every room in my house--instead of getting to my "list".

I only have a few hours before the hubby and kiddo get back, only a few hours to get as much done as humanly possible.

But I'm lost.

Maybe I should just let "the list" go for tonight.

Maybe, just maybe I'll take some time for ME.

Hmmmm. What should I do?

Read a book, paint my nails,go on a run {yeah right}, take a bath.

What to do, what to do...

Hey I know, how about one of those green masks I used to do all the time before I was a Momma--that used to be fun!

Yep, I think I'll try that...

And then I'll take pictures of it...

and then I'll blog about it...
and then I watched Sweet Home Alabama.

 Because that's productive.

And because people really care.

Maybe I should have just done the laundry.

I'm so clever {or am I pathetic}

Clever or Pathetic?

{am I the only one, you can be honest}

Wanna know a secret?

So I was asked to make a salad for an activity at our Church tonight.

I made a super girly one--you know the kind {leafy greens, pears, grapes, candied walnuts}.

And just so people would be super impressed, I included my famous raspberry vinagrete dressing!

STEP ONE:

STEP TWO:

And no one at the activity will be the wiser

{that is, until they read this post}

I was gonna blog today, but...

Need I say more?

a little bit awkward, a little bit awesome

This post was inspired by Sydney,
the author of my new favorite blog the Daybook.

I emailed her once,
and she emailed back.

Which pretty much makes us bff {and makes me feel special}

{that's Sydney, we like her style}

Click here for her version of
"a little bit awkward, a little bit awesome"


And now here's mine...


Awkward:


A friends husband goes to say hi with a hug just as I hold out my hand for a shake...probably offended,  he then holds his hand out to shake just as I go in for a hug...this continues until the end result--gangsta hand shake slash back pat hug--not cool.

Being out with the hubby and running into someone I know--and I forget their name {but they know mine}. And now I'm not really sure how to introduce them to the hubs. This one has happened so often that we have developed a system.  If I don't introduce him right away the hubby knows I don't remember their name and he introduces himself  and then "no name" reciprocates...and then I say "I was just going to introduce you two".


Not realizing that I have dressed Baby W in the same outfit I am wearing {usually jeans and a plaid shirt} until the cashier at the market points it out.


Using the word "market" and people don't know what I am talking about {in Cali we call the grocery store the market...or maybe it's just an Ashley thing}.


Running into an ex boyfriend--nuff said.


Getting a pedicure and forgetting to shave your...toes {not that I would EVER need to do that sort of thing, but for the rest of you}.

Having Baby W give my boob a full on squeeze while I am conversing with a stranger in Michael's.


When I drink from Baby W's sippy cup......in public {true story}.


Realizing I went an entire day with a large chunk of hair that didn't quite make it into my pony tail {you know the rat tail piece in the very back}.


Realizing hours later that I have an embarrassing typo in a blog post {this makes my eye twitch}.


We'll end on this awkward photo in which I look 4 months preggo {which I'm NOT}. Not to mention the awkward flared nostrils.

{the posting of this photo is a demonstration of the love I have for you, my fellow readers}

And now for a little
Awesome:


My new moustache necklace {that my mom thinks is ridiculous, which kinda proves it's awesome--sorry momma}

Pulling a sleeping Baby W out of his car seat and he snuggles up against my neck.


Receiving a touching email from a reader, and having it be exactly what I needed to hear.

Finding a $10 bill in the pocket of my jeans today {and seriously, I didn't even know they still made $10 bills}.

Watching the new Silent Night Christmas commercial by Pampers {makes me want another baby}.

Waking up to the sound of rain.

Baby W going to bed an hour earlier because of the time change.

The flutter in my tummy when I see the hubby after he gets back from the gym with his backwards hat on, and he looks just like he did on the day we met.

My new cordless glue gun {no joke, cordless--as in I can glue anything, anytime, anywhere!}

Naked Baby W running through the halls just after his bath.

And we'll end on this 100% pure awesome moment:

Here's wishing you a day full of awesome, and a little less awkward.

Priceless

On Baby W's first birthday {back in July} we surprised him with a shiny new bike trailer:

It even came complete with two seats so that Baby W could invite a friend {or future sibling} to go with him for a ride.

Flash forward a few months...

Baby W has invited one of his bestest friends over to play.

Meet the adorable LJ:

If LJ looks familiar, its probably because you have read about his adventures over at Momma Go Round.

LJ and Baby W are tight.

As in feed each other gold fish crackers for 20 minutes straight kinda tight.

So when LJ came over to play the other day and the hubby decided to take them on their first bike ride together, we assumed all would be hunky dory!

LJ's Momma, Nina and I stayed back while the hubby steered the bike with one hand and recorded the experience with his iPhone over his shoulder with the other hand. 

When the hubby returned with the boys from his trip around the neighborhood, he told us that the boys had the time of their lives and were very well-behaved--but his recording tells a different story:

{keep in mind the hubby was facing forward as he recorded the boys in the trailer behind him--he had no idea what they were really up to}

{turn on your volume and I apologize for the sideways video}

Big Ol Teefers

{Getta look at those mondo teefers}

My Momma {Baby W's Grandmomma} is spending a few days with us this week and when she arrived today I found myself justifying all of Baby W's actions to her:

"He's crying right now because he has a big ole molar coming in {not because I turned off Sesame Street}"

"Oh, don't worry he's refusing to eat even one bite of his lunch because he's teething {not because he's stubborn and wants a cookie instead of pasta}"

"He wakes up a million times a night still because he's cutting teeth {not because I failed at the cry-it-out method }"

"Yeah, he's chewing on the side of the coffee table because it massages his gums {not because he's weird and likes the taste of wood}".

"Sorry your grandson is throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the isle at Party City--his teeth tend to hurt around this time of day {it's not because he's mad that I tried to take off his Super Man costume so we could pay for it}.

"Put him in the crib?! Oh no, when he's teething it's better for him if he's in our bed {it's not because we are completely defeated at getting him to sleep in his own bed}".

How much longer do you think I can go on blaming all of Baby W's bad attitude and naughty moments on teething?

Have I mentioned he's been teething since birth?

{Gotta love that toothy grin}

Two Minutes for #2

{not Baby W, but equally mischievous babe}

We're friends right?!

Like the kinda friends with whom I can share an anecdote from my life that might make you {and me} blush?

If we're not there yet, feel free to skip this post.

But if we are in fact besties, then prepare yourself for what you're about to read.

And then tell me I'm not alone {please}.

There are few "activities" in my life that I get to experience in complete solitude. One of these "activities", usually takes place once the hubby is done with work so he can watch Baby W while I take two minutes for #2.

Yep, I said it!

I go number two.

And yep, it only takes me about 2 minutes {I've learned to be quick}. And during that time I like to be alone--imagine that.

So when Baby W begins banging on the bathroom door yelling "Momma...Mom...Mom" and then slides his chubby little fingers under the door so that I can see them wiggling...well, you can see how it's difficult to focus on the task at hand.

And then to top things off, instead of pulling Baby W away from the bathroom door to allow Momma to enjoy her 2 minutes in peace, the hubby opens it for him...and then shuts the door behind him once he has walked in before I have the chance to protest...

So now it's me, Baby W and a roll of toilet paper that the Lil guy has decided to unravel down to the last sheet. And now Baby W would like to crawl up onto my lap, because as far as he's concerned, I'm just sitting in a chair anxious to play with him and a roll of unraveled toilet paper.

So much for 2 minutes to myself...sigh.

Are we still friends--or have I scared you away forever?

One Momma's Junk is Anothers...

I tend to use the word "collect" a bit too loosely around my home.

For example,
the hubby and I are cleaning out the garage.
He turns to me with a box full of movie ticket stubs from every movie I have ever seen since my teenage years. 

HUBBY: Can I toss this?


ME: Oh, no you can't. I collect those...


He shrugs {knowing better than to ask questions} and we continue to clean.


A few moments later, he stumbles upon my drawer full of nothing but buttons, and he turns to me with the same expression on his face.

ME: Nope, not those either. I collect those too...


Then its the box of brochures from every vacation we have ever gone on and all the nice restaurants we've eaten at together {because one day I will scrap book them, right?}.


ME: Collect--those are sentimental {an excuse I know he won't bother arguing with me about}.


Then it's onto the fabric scrap pile {of which most pieces could be rendered useless, but I can't bear the thought of throwing them away, "just in case I need them one day for some project".

HUBBY: Are you sure honey? We could probably get rid of some of these scraps.
 ME: No way--because with my luck I'll come up with an idea for some grand project and I will need the very scraps that I threw out the day before. 


And as we continued to organize the garage, my mind began to wander as I took a mental inventory of all of my "collections".


Sure some of my collections are pretty legit.
Like my knob collection,
my magnet collection,
my heart shaped rocks collection,
my sea shell collection,
my book collection,
and my baseball card collection {yes, I have a baseball card collection}...


Even if my list of legit "collections" is a bit extensive.


But what's my excuse for the drawer filled to the brim with highlighter pens?
The cupboards over flowing with empty baby food jars...
The bins filled with "gift bags" I plan to re-use...
The closet full of every shoe I have ever owned since the beginning of time...

And that's when it hit me...

"COLLECTING" is really just a fancy way of saying "HOARDING"!

And if I'm not careful...

What do you hoard--I mean "collect"?

Slip and Slide

Slip and Slide: $25

Jumbo Costco Beach Towel: $15

Adorable Baby Gap Swim Outfit: $40

A baby who removes his own diaper so he can "run free" while slipping and sliding = PRICELESS

**Please note the blade of grass caught between his adorable bummy cheeks**

Dear Future 16 year old Baby W,

Please forgive me for the pictures I post.

I just can't resist!

love, momma

Lessons Learned as a New Mommy {revisited}

Back in March I put together a post of the lessons I had learned as a new momma {up to that point}.  This morning {five months later}, I reread the post and couldn't help but chuckle at the things that "stressed me out" in the beginning.  Wow, I was narotic {and I kinda still am}--but isn't that my right as a new momma?

Let's revisit my "lessons learned" in the first 8 months of Baby W's life, shall we:

{Lil W 8 months old}

I have officially been a momma for 8 months and 1 week (unless you count preggo time--in which case I have been a momma for 17 months and 1 week). And in that time I have learned a few tidbits that would have been nice to know before I started this whole parenting business--little helpful hints that could have made my life, oh, so much easier... little words of wisdom that would have saved me countless hours of worry... little life lessons that, had I of known before, would have made me a wiser and calmer momma over these last 8 months and 1 week.

So...through my journey of mommy-hood I thought why not share some of these unexpected experiences:


1. You will NOT have your pre-baby body back after 6 months (unless you are super woman, in which case you should stop reading this entire post because nothing will apply to you). After Lil W was born I went to my 6 week OB check-up expecting to receive the "go ahead" to begin exercising again. I remember my disappointment when my doctor postponed physical activity for another 6 weeks. So you would think that I would be rearing to go as soon as those 6 weeks were up--well you would be wrong. Instead, every day turned into "I'll start working out tomorrow"--and that mentality has continued through to today (8 months and 1 week later).


2. Don't let anyone tell you that you won't need a SUV until you have at least three kids. I have one small 17 pound baby and I feel like a U-Haul would be the most appropriate method of transportation to house all of the necessary "gear" I need just to run to the grocery store two blocks away. Diapers, wipes, bottles, a binkie, an extra binkie, toys, snacks, blanket, changing pad, car seat, stroller, extra change of clothes, baby bjorn, hand sanitizer, and yes, another extra binkie. I suppose my baby wouldn't starve if I forgot the extra bottle or snacks just once--after all, my hubby manages just fine when he takes Lil W out and about with nothing but a car seat {*love you hun*}.

3. Your house will never resemble the "perfect order" it did pre-baby, and the sooner you accept that the more sane you will feel. If you stepped into my home today, you would think that you were in the home of Octomom. Every once empty ounce of floor space is now filled with some baby contraption I never knew existed a year ago. The bouncer and jumper have taken the place of the new end tables you wanted and the pack n'play has replaced the ottoman you were planning to buy--and this is your new reality, and it doesn't even bother you.


4. How you look when you leave the house is no longer a top priority--in fact, not really a priority at all. Instead, your new priority is making sure you Lil One is dressed to impress. *Embarrassing Confession Alert*: Some days I dress Lil W in his cutest little get up and take him to our local Costco just so I can smile as he receives compliments--I don't need to buy anything, I just go to be a proud momma and show off my well-dressed baby {how sad is that}. Meanwhile I have greasy hair, spit up stains on my shoulder, cheerios stuck to my bum and the same outfit I wore the day before.

5. You will never eat breakfast again. Apparently this is the period of the day when your new Lil One requires the MOST attention (bathing, feeding, dressing, poo diaper changing, entertaining after a good nights rest, going on a walk, etc). The closest thing I have ever experienced to breakfast is the last of the pureed bananas and rice cereal I fed Lil W. And yes, I have sadly acquired a taste for rice cereal--I'm serious.


6. Strangers will touch your baby. I know this, because before I had Lil W, I was one of those touchy strangers--I just couldn't resist. I didn't realize that my potential stranger germs were giving the new mommy a panic attack. And nowI receive my pay back every day as complete strangers kiss my baby's hands and let him put their fingers in his mouth, ick!


7. Speaking of strangers, as soon as you have a new baby you WILL be insulted by complete strangers. I remember the very first time the hubby and I took Baby W out in public. Lil W was 8 weeks old and the hubby and I hadn't left the house since we brought him home. We were desperate for a taste of the real world, not to mention we needed to restock our fridge--so we took a trip to the grocery store. We were so worried to take our little bundle of joy out in public that we loaded up on antibacterial gel and covered his car seat with a blankie so no one could touch him. Once inside the store, we were approached by a woman and her young children. She asked how old our baby was and when we told her he was 8 weeks she gave us a mini-lecture about how "she couldn't believe we would bring him to the store at such a young age--she never would have done that with her kids". My jaw hit the floor and my eyes filled with tears as she made me feel like the worst mom in the world. Lesson learned that day: let it go--because it will happen again, because even strangers will have an opinion about how you should raise your children.

8. And the last tid bit for today--There is such a thing as feeding your baby too many carrots. And yes its true, your baby will turn orange when you feed them too many carrots. And then your pediatrician will point this out and politely tell you to widen the range of foods you are feeding him.  And because you are learning to "let it go" you won't freak out that you have an orange baby, instead you will go home and feed him some green beans. 

Thats all the tidbits for now, more to come later!

Current Ashley back here...

And I'm thinking this post needs some updates and additions...

What lessons learned do I need to add?

Do you remember the 80's and 90's: PART 2

After reading all your fab comments on my previous post about memories from my childhood, I couldn't just leave it at that.  So thank you for your inspiration for this follow up post. Your comments and memories had me LOL {literally}!

 Ode to the Childhood 80's and 90's:

FASHION FLASHBACKS:

ESPRIT

Awesome Pegged Pant Legs

MC Hammer Pants

TV FLASHBACKS:

ALF {here kitty kitty kitty}

Doug

I bet you forgot about this little gem:

Dinosaurs

And my personal favorite:

Small Wonder

Scary Memories:

Favorite Books

Favorite Crush: JTT

Favorite magazine to cut out posters of my favorite crush:

Tiger Beat

Favorite Movie:

My Girl

{I cried every time I watched}

Toys I loved:

NERF Guns

Remember these classic McDonald Happy Meal Toys

Tamagotchi computer key chain pets

Rainbow Brite

Popples: those little stuffed animals that tucked into a ball

And of course, the classic Chia Pet

Favorite Snacks:

Slimer Hi-C

{I would put these in the freezer and eat them as slushies}

Don't push me push a Push Pop

Sour Warheads

Am I forgetting anything?

BTW: I am 26 for those of you who were wondering!

1984 Baby